Thursday, May 22, 2014

Progress As Promised

It was not my intention to ignore this blog for as long as I did. It was nice having scheduled posts for April, because I didn't have to worry about it ;)

This past Sunday night, I got a bath ready for both children. {Phil is not allowed, (by me), to kneel on the tile, so I usually fill up David's baby bath tub and place it on the counter next to the bathroom sink so he can bathe him while I wash Jillian. Once his tub ready, I finish filling up the big tub for Jillian.} This particular night, I used some bubble bath. For whatever reason, I was very generous with the bubbles. We placed the kids in their respective tubs, and watched them play.

Jillian was trying to place some bubbles in her hand and blow them off like we do for her. Unfortunately, she's lacking some lung capacity to do it. I decided to show her how to clap her hands together with the bubbles to make it look like it was snowing. She loved it. We spent the next 10 minutes just making it snow together. I had bubbles in my hair, she had bubbles in her eyes, and the tub had bubbles all over it. We would say "It's snowing!" or "Merry Christmas!" as we clapped our hands. I laughed and played with my daughter.

This was one of those moments in life where I will treasure the mental pictures I have. I didn't need to run and grab my camera or my phone. I was perfectly content just living in that moment.

Then it hit me - this is what I'm supposed to feel like. This is the most "normal" I have felt in a long time. I'm not on the verge of a panic attack. I'm not worried about a million different things. I am soaking in this moment of my young childrens' lives.

Every day, I have been having more and longer moments where I feel like myself. Well, my old self. I'm not even talking about how I was before my post-partum depression. I'm talking more about myself during the 3 months between my wedding and the announcement of change. When I was still experiencing life and the challenges that it throws at me, but I did it without any kind of bitterness, worry, or anxiety.

Don't get me wrong, those are things I'm sure I'll struggle with for awhile. It was very encouraging to know that I could live in moments where I didn't have to overcome any emotional battle. I could just... be. I am so grateful that the medicine I am taking it not only getting the me before post-partum depression back, but the real me back too.

That's part of the reason I lost touch with my blog this month. I have had the drive and energy to deep clean the house. I've had the focus and desire to cook. I even entertained the idea of working out. Say what?! {Notice I haven't actually worked out yet, but it's progress none the less!}

I hope to continue to progress and feel content more often.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Oh Happy Day

{Photo Credit for Far Right: Colorband PhotoArtisans}

Yesterday was a very important day here. Not only was it the year anniversary of the large tornado in Moore, and the 3 year wedding anniversary of one of my besties, it was also a special birthday.

Phil, my wonderful hubby, turned 30 years old.

I tease him because he's significantly older than me, even if it's just under 2 years ;) 

I really wanted to make the day special for him since it is a milestone! I devoted lots of thought and energy into the day. It was a quiet celebration, but one he was happy with. 

I sent him on a scavenger hunt with the help of our leftover Easter eggs. For dinner, I cooked a special stir-fry. We ate a green cake, (Jillian wanted to color the batter), with a special candle my parents sent for him. After dinner, we set up Phil's big gift - a small propane grill! We've wanted one for awhile, and there just happened to be a sale this week! We put it together, and he is looking forward to using it :)

It's hard to believe he's already 30 years old. I'm not far behind, but it doesn't feel like we are that old. All I can say is, there's no one else I'd rather grow old with! 

Love you Phil! Happy 30th Birthday!!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

David: {Five Months}

David –

You are five months old today! Time is just speeding by, and it's hard to believe you're already almost 1/2 a year old! I hope I can soak up some of the moments we share while you're this little :)

According to our measurements at home, you are 14 lbs, 9 oz and 26-1/4 inches long.

You are wearing some 3 Month clothes, but you're starting to wear more 3-6 and 6 Month clothes right now. You honestly need 6 Month PJs because you're so long! Currently you wear size 2 diapers.

You eat an average of 32 ounces a day, and feed either 5 or 6 times depending on your mood. Formula of choice is still Target brand for Similac Advance. You started solids this month! So far, you've only had rice cereal and oatmeal. Neither are a big favorite of yours, but we'll be trying veggies soon. 

Sleep is going great! You get a good night's rest at night, but we're still working on naps. Similar to your sister, you fight sleep unless you're just exhausted. You get squirmy and fuss a bit until we get you nestled in our arms. Once you're asleep, you remember how much you love it and usually stay asleep. Well, unless big sister gets noisy or you lose your pacifier :) 

You are usually pretty good with baths. You like the water, but you don't like to take too long by playing with toys. It's very much a "let's get down to business" kind of attitude. The hardest part is keeping you in place! You like to put your feet on the end of the tub and lift your bottom. It's the funniest thing!

Teeth are almost here! Your bottom two teeth are on the verge of poking out. You have been chomping on fingers, and drooling like a St Bernard for a few weeks now! It'll be adorable once they come in.

You are almost over another cold. When you are sick, you are a bit more irritable, but you are also extra cuddly. {Lucky for mama, you're cuddly anyways, so it's sweet that you want to be held even more.} You do not want to be put down, and you hate being left alone. You don't like getting your nose cleared out, but you don't always cry about it. When you want something, you want it NOW. Also, you will only nap if you're holding mama's hand.

Overall, you are my sunny boy :) Unless you're hungry, (and you will send out a warning fuss before you really cry), you usually don't cry unless something scares you, or you don't feel well. You are giving big smiles, especially to the ladies ;) You have several girlfriends at church thanks to your smile and your beautiful blue eyes! I hope they stay that color, but I'm sure whatever color they end up will be perfect!

You don't seem to have many favorites right now, though part of that could be that your sister usually takes whatever I give you within minutes. Sorry sweet boy. Once you get bigger, you'll be able to keep your toys if mama isn't around :) You do like to sit in laps and be read to.

Things you like: classical music, sitting up like a big boy, bouncing, books with pictures of other babies and tractors, mama singing, sleeping (once you're asleep), kisses on your neck and chin, your sister laughing/crying, girls fawning over you, the jumperoo, and your zebra toy.

Things you do not like: loud sounds, being scared, being tired, being hungry, faces close to your face, the taste of solid food, and feeling lonely.

In terms of being mobile, you're doing pretty well. You can roll from back to belly consistently, but you don't do it often. Rolling from belly to back happened once. You also scoot around while lying on your back. The other day, you even turned a full 360 degrees by scooting on your play mat! Tummy time is tolerable for a few minutes.

Your daddy got hurt and had knee surgery this month. Not only did that make mama a little more frantic than normal, it also meant more time in the car and being in doctor offices. For the most part, you did excellent with the new schedule. This made mama's job just a bit easier. Thank you for being such a trooper!

Your relationship with your sister is starting to blossom. You watch her closely, and smile at her from time to time! One day, when you were sick with a cold, she hugged you and you stopped crying. It was just the sweetest thing! I can't wait to watch your relationship grow and change over the years.

This past month we traveled to Minnesota and back to see your Jemma and Gee-Chaz. For the most part, you did really well in the car. You were also baptized this past month! Later this month, you'll make your big debut with some of mama's extended family in Kansas City. Trust me when I tell you that they'll love you to pieces :)

I am so happy and honored to be your mama. Your smile just melts my heart, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. Love you sweet boy :)

Now some outtakes:
{Playing with his feet}

{I can eat the sticker, right mom?} 

{Daddy is so funny!}

{Jillian heard us talking to David and came running while shouting "I'm here!!"}
{She then posed just like this}

{What a face :)}

{We took some photos of Jillian by herself. She did all of these faces on her own!}
{Silly Jilly - I sure do love her <3} 

{Then she hopped like a frog!}
{Left: Prepping for the hop Right: Landing}

And some comparisons!
{Months 1-3}
{Months 4 and 5}

{Left: Jillian 5/2012 Right: David 5/2014}

But I Know What It Feels Like

This post is going to be awfully vulnerable and hard for me, but I really want to finally say it out loud. I got permission for my daughter ...