Thursday, May 22, 2014

Progress As Promised

It was not my intention to ignore this blog for as long as I did. It was nice having scheduled posts for April, because I didn't have to worry about it ;)

This past Sunday night, I got a bath ready for both children. {Phil is not allowed, (by me), to kneel on the tile, so I usually fill up David's baby bath tub and place it on the counter next to the bathroom sink so he can bathe him while I wash Jillian. Once his tub ready, I finish filling up the big tub for Jillian.} This particular night, I used some bubble bath. For whatever reason, I was very generous with the bubbles. We placed the kids in their respective tubs, and watched them play.

Jillian was trying to place some bubbles in her hand and blow them off like we do for her. Unfortunately, she's lacking some lung capacity to do it. I decided to show her how to clap her hands together with the bubbles to make it look like it was snowing. She loved it. We spent the next 10 minutes just making it snow together. I had bubbles in my hair, she had bubbles in her eyes, and the tub had bubbles all over it. We would say "It's snowing!" or "Merry Christmas!" as we clapped our hands. I laughed and played with my daughter.

This was one of those moments in life where I will treasure the mental pictures I have. I didn't need to run and grab my camera or my phone. I was perfectly content just living in that moment.

Then it hit me - this is what I'm supposed to feel like. This is the most "normal" I have felt in a long time. I'm not on the verge of a panic attack. I'm not worried about a million different things. I am soaking in this moment of my young childrens' lives.

Every day, I have been having more and longer moments where I feel like myself. Well, my old self. I'm not even talking about how I was before my post-partum depression. I'm talking more about myself during the 3 months between my wedding and the announcement of change. When I was still experiencing life and the challenges that it throws at me, but I did it without any kind of bitterness, worry, or anxiety.

Don't get me wrong, those are things I'm sure I'll struggle with for awhile. It was very encouraging to know that I could live in moments where I didn't have to overcome any emotional battle. I could just... be. I am so grateful that the medicine I am taking it not only getting the me before post-partum depression back, but the real me back too.

That's part of the reason I lost touch with my blog this month. I have had the drive and energy to deep clean the house. I've had the focus and desire to cook. I even entertained the idea of working out. Say what?! {Notice I haven't actually worked out yet, but it's progress none the less!}

I hope to continue to progress and feel content more often.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Courtney, this post makes me smile so much! I admit, I have missed your posts, but knowing you have taken some time just to enjoy each moment makes me so happy. We live in such a fast-paced, digital world, I envy your ability to turn that side off for a while!


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