This Easter

Something I need to share here is the fact that I have been struggling with my mental health.

As you may recall, I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression after David's birth. After a few months on some medicine, I was able to successfully get off the medicine.

Just before Lottie was born, I was suddenly getting extremely anxious about being in the car. I honestly think it had to do with the fact that I was rear-ended just before I found out I was pregnant with Lottie, then I had my subchorionic hematoma that made me nervous. I started taking medicine for anxiety, and ended up having to stay on it for my pregnancy with Lexie.

Despite being in the care of a trusted nurse, and then a new Primary Care Physician, I was still feeling extremely tired, and that I was just not getting a handle on the whole I-am-caring-for-4-tiny-humans thing. At my annual check up with my OBGYN nurse, she told me that I was no longer considered post-partum, and was suffering from regular anxiety and depression. I don't know why, but that was extremely hard to hear. I'm sure it had to do with my wanting to hide behind the "post-partum" label to convince myself it was temporary.

After getting on some different medicine, (which is actually the medicine I took after David's birth), and seeing a psychologist, I'm starting to feel more like myself again!

This Easter, I feel joy!

Not that I didn't feel happy the last 2 years. I had moments where I felt happy, loved, and thankful. This year is different though. We had a very busy weekend filled with family activities, birthday parties, church, etc. By the end of the day yesterday, I was completely wiped. But all weekend long, I felt joy. I felt able to smile at every picture. I felt able to get through Lottie's major meltdowns that were happening once a day all weekend. I felt able to say I was happy, and feel that all the way down in the depths of my soul.

I am a little sad to think that I missed out on 2 years of feeling like this. Mostly, I feel thankful, free, and positive. I think I've been functioning at such a low level of energy and joy that I am still pretty tired at the end of the day. This is a good tired though. I feel like I'm able to look at my life, and enjoy even the sticky parts.

This Easter, I am more thankful than ever for the sacrifice of Jesus, and the promise of a clean slate, and everlasting life.

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

{David, Lottie, Jill, and Lexie}
{Easter 2019}

Well Hey There!

It's been a hot minute since I've been here. How've ya been?!

Lots of life has happened since my last post, so I'm not even going to attempt to play catch up. I was trying out some YouTube because I felt like videos were easier. Then I had storage issues. Now the video editor on our computer doesn't work anymore. I've also struggled with my mental health for quite some time.

Now, I have felt the need to blog for a long time. I'm just now feeling like I can blog again. Between trying to juggle life with 4 kiddos, and all the other life things I've had thrown my way, I am starting to feel a little more at ease.

Hope to see you soon!