Have you ever been swimming in a pool with a shallow and deep end? The kind in backyards or hotels that usually has a drastic drop on the pool floor to separate the two? Have you ever jumped into the deep end, then swam towards the shallow end, desperately feeling for that edge so you could put your feet down and feel secure because you can start walking instead of swimming?
That's where I am.
Don't get me wrong, whether you have 1 or 8 children, adding a new life in your life and schedule can be really hard. It's not just that you lose sleep, it's also a matter of finding your footing. Are you grateful for that life, and thankful to have that person as a part of your family? Definitely! Is it hard? You better believe it.
With Lexie's arrival, things have just been non-stop. We knew it would be like that to a point, but in our defense, more has happened than it usually does. In fact, more has happened than usual for us as a family!
Jill started Kindergarten.
David started preschool.
We had to put our dog down because of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
I've had to up my anti-depression medicine to help with PPD/PPA.
Phil's job is suddenly a little more hectic.
Lottie started walking.
Lexie was baptized.
Those are just the main things.
I'm making a real effort to get back to myself. Am I successful every day? HAHAHAHA Nope. Do I at least try? Yes!
I'm not striving for perfection, I'm just going for functioning. So far, I'm starting to feel a little more at ease. I finally feel like maybe I could really do this.
Do I consider getting in my car and driving away sometimes? Yes. Do I actually do it? No!
Raising human beings is hard. It takes several of personality traits that I either do not possess, or need to refine within myself in order to get the job done. I don't need to be perfect, and I hope I never make it seem like I think I am. So far, we're functioning. Someday, we may even be thriving!
I look forward to standing up tall and proud in the shallow end of the pool, with a big smile on my face, knowing that we made it to the edge of the pool :)
So much craziness over the last few months. Hopefully in a few more it will feel less deep. Keep on trucking mama, you are doing great!
ReplyDeleteThanks, friend! You've had lots on your plate as well. You're doing an amazing job yourself :)
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