For Fear Of Living In Regret...

{via}

I could very well update you with the mundane going ons from this past week. Then I could tell you what a fun, relaxing weekend I had. Although all those things happened, that's not what's on my heart to blog about today. I've been thinking about this for quite some times now. I'm mentally started this entry several times and debated with myself about posting this at all. However, I think this is necessary for me to say. It's not about anyone in particular and if anything, it's about me. Go figure right? haha In all seriousness, I just really wanted to be myself.

A few weeks ago, I created a new Livejournal account so that I could use it to rant. I felt free to talk about specifics in terms of people and situations that I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about in a public blog. Then I got to thinking about how most of us have certain facades. We don't want to me know as the gossip of the group, or the prissy one, or sometimes even the "Debbie Downer" in our circle of friends. We all have something about ourselves that we keep quiet so that other people will like us. I try really hard to not complain and be the lamenting one in my circle. Unfortunately, this means I tend to unload a lot on my family and husband. In fact, I wanted to post several times this week, but I was so mad or negative about everything, I chose not to.

If we just accept our own flaws like we do with our closest friends, does that change who we are? If we happen to be a little on the pessimistic side, does that mean we're not good, lovable people? If we admit that we are human and we have battles inside of ourselves, does that make us horrible people? If we do these things around people who know us intimately, why do we care if people who barely know us know about it? People will make opinions about you now matter how happy and bubbly you are. There is a girl that, to this day, still hates me from the day she met me my sophomore year of high school. Why does she not like me? I smile too much. *wait for it....* Excuse me?! If the WORST thing I do to make you hate me is being a happy person, then I feel like I'm doing ok.

Today I am writing a confession list. These are things I probably wouldn't have admitted publicly, but I know I do them. I'm on an honesty kick and I feel like, if these things should bleed over, you won't be as surprised.

* When I'm angry, I curse like a sailor. I try so hard to stop and I'm much better than I used to be. However, it can get pretty ugly. I'd love to stop this habit completely before we have children, but I'm not too worried if it's not completely gone. I feel like I can hold my tongue around anyone under the age of 18

* Although I love all of them very much, when my cats do something wrong, I'm tempted to give them away. I get onto Phil for talking like that, but I secretly debate this idea in my own head. Mostly this happens when they don't use the litter box

* I can handle insects when I'm in a group of girls and I usually kill or take care of them. However, if there's a man nearby, I feel free to be just as freaked out and let them handle the bugs

* Sometimes I sneak a spoonful of peanut butter or ice cream when no one is looking. I'm sure I've been caught before, but I like to think I'm sneakier than that

* I hate bell peppers

* I have a very methodical way of doing everything, and it usually involves even numbers of multiples of five. For example, I was explaining to Phil last night about why I don't always care for the fish to be on the outside of a sushi roll like he does. I explained it was because I take a piece in my mouth, split it into two halves, then chew one side, swallow, then chew the other side and swallow. If I don't bite the meat completely in half, I slightly choke on the fish as I'm chewing half #2. He couldn't stop laughing...

* Sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better about myself is making fun of other people

* I run behind in the morning because I'm usually yelling at the TV about political stuff. I hate the fact that the most outrageously opinionated people in our country don't actually know what's going on. They just watch FoxNews of MSNBC all day and think they're experts

* I'm the only person I know who cried on their honeymoon because I was so full and thought of all the people on the same tiny island going to bed hungry

* My favorite video clips on America's Funniest Home Videos involves people being hit in the face. I will laugh uncontrollably for a long time

* I mentioned being a living jukebox. I usually have a song in my head and switch to a new song about 6 other times throughout the day. However, sometimes, like our drive home last night, the same four songs will just rotate for several hours. Phil calls it my shuffle being on repeat. This annoys me more than having a song I hate being stuck in my head

* On that note, for whatever reason, no matter what time of year it is, I will catch myself humming the lines "Oh ho, the mistletoe hung where you can see, Somebody waits for you, kiss her once for me" from the song "Holly Jolly Christmas." I don't even think about it. It's like my default song. Also, it's only that little section of the song, never any other part or the full song

* I know it's better for me to stop eating carbs on top of limiting my sugar intake, but I love pasta and bread way too much to cut them from my diet. I'd rather be huge than go with carbs

* I get super competitive about games. It's hard to have a game night with other friends because it takes all my energy to not be angry when I'm losing. Blame that Irish heritage...

Peace to you,

"Shut Up and Let Me Go" by The Ting Tings