You're Under The Gun...

{via}

I've heard REO Speedwagon on the radio the last three times I've turned on my car. What is the universe trying to tell me?! Maybe I need more 80's music in my life right now. No problem for me since I've been really into synthesizers lately. I love how my music tastes switch out so often. It gives me more variety.

I felt the title of this blog was very fitting for what's been going on with me lately. I've been so bogged down with reading, papers, social events, and medical issues that I just feel behind. As soon as I think I'm caught up, something else surfaces. Though I'm glad TV shows are coming back this week, I just don't have the time/energy to watch any of them. I've said it once and I'll say it again; thank you Jesus for DVR!!

Also, I've been feeling like I can't do anything right. Have you ever felt that way? I'm not understanding my assignments so I'm not getting the grades I think I am or should. Then I'm not keeping up with my closest friends very well. Of course, with my job being in customer service, I'm feeling helpless and incompetent 85% of the time. Hopefully I'll stop feeling like this soon.

Deep down I know that part of it is probably the fact that I'm graduating in December. Even though I hate school and all the time and pressure that goes with it... this is all I've ever known. I went to elementary school, high school, and now 6 1/2 years of college. Even after I got married, I was still in school. Granted it's not the exact same now that I live off campus and commute to school or work 30 minutes every single day. The real world is a scary place. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I know what I like doing and I know jobs that I may enjoy. However, I'll have to do something proactive about it once I graduate. I have to pick a job. I have to choose one path in life and see if it takes me somewhere I like. If not, I can just choose another path later. I will no longer have the opportunity to just sit on my butt and talk about what I like and dislike.

Now don't get me wrong, I like working. Overall, I do like the job I have now and wouldn't trade it for anything! However, we're not staying here so I'll have to find a new job wherever we move. I don't mind working from 8-5 during the work week or putting a little extra time in the office to accomplish something. I don't mind any of that. I guess my fear of failure and having to admit I couldn't do something is scarier to me than not having a job at all.

Just so we're clear, I will definitely NOT do something stupid to keep myself from graduating this December. I am too close to stop now. That wouldn't be fair to myself, let alone my family.

This grown-up thing sucks.

I hope y'all have been doing well! Happy Tuesday!

Peace to you,

"Take It On the Run" by REO Speedwagon