Countdown To Epic Week 2011

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{For my fellow HIMYM fans out there - this makes me think of this episode ;)}

I am not sure why I haven't mentioned this yet, but I'm going to have an epic week. Starting Thursday morning, the next 7 days will be packed with goodness. What kind of goodness? Oh so many kinds :)

This Thursday, Phil and I will be going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Since we met in 2004, we have gone to the midnight premiere of every Harry Potter movie that has come out together. Sometimes we go in groups, but lately it's just been the two of us. Phil even admitted that he wasn't really into Harry Potter until we met ;) We own all the books and have read through them at least twice each. It's nice to be nerdy with your best friend! HAHA Anyways, for the longest time, movie theaters in OKC were only showing/selling tickets for the 3D version of the movie! Now I have nothing against 3D... except that it's more expensive, should be more of a novelty instead of a requirement, and it makes pregnant me dizzy. I've seen a few movies in 3D and it was fun. However, I want to see it in good ol' 2D! So we were finally able to get tickets this weekend for the midnight premiere in 2D. Starting last Thursday, we have been watching 1 movie per night in order to gear up for this occasion. I have already finished re-reading the final book and Phil is attempting to finish before Thursday. I'm sure it'll be different from the book, considering where it left off with the last movie and the clips I have seen already, but I know we'll enjoy it. Even if we think the book is better, we don't expect movies to be word-for-word by the book. I think that's the only way to like both a movie and the book you know? Anyways, I will be taking a nap after work Thursday to stay awake for the movie. Then, of course as per tradition, I will be calling my BFF Annette as soon as we get out to discuss it :) I'm pretty stoked!

This weekend, Phil and I will be going up to Tulsa. I know, I know, we go lots of times. However, there are 2 big reasons it is different. The number 1 reason is Annette is back in town! It's so hard having her live in CT and so very far away. However, I get some BFF time to myself! That's going to be awesome :) The second reason is... I'm going to the NKOTBSB concert on Sunday night!! I've had tickets forever because I got an email to pre-order tickets before they were on sale. I am going with 5 other ladies and we're going to party like we're 13 year-olds :D It's going to be awesome!! Now if only *NSYNC would get back together for another tour...

Then, the big ultrasound is a week from Thursday at 8:30 a.m. I am hoping baby cooperates, but now I'm just focused on hearing that baby is healthy and looks amazing. That's all I want. I know everyone says they don't care what the gender is for the first baby, but I really do mean it. I don't care whatsoever. I just want a healthy, happy baby that I will love for the rest of my days. To see that smile and those big eyes staring up at me and knowing how much of a miracle they are... that just melts my heart to think about. I have compiled a list of what baby could be, but I'll save that for later. I just hope all goes well.

So that's my epic week. I'm sure I'll be exhausted by the end, but it will be so very worth it! Plus, it makes the fact that today is only Tuesday a little more bearable ;)

Check out the video for Sandcastles In The Sand from HIMYM. You won't be disappointed! It may even make you decide to starting watching if you don't already!

Bébé Week 18 Update

Holy heat Batman! Our high today was supposed to be 103, but we hit 109 while Phil and I were out running some quick errands. I don't know how I made it! As soon as we got inside, I stripped to the bare-minimum clothing and we're sitting in front of 3 fans in the living room. That's right, I said 3. Even with all the water I drank today, it's been hard staying awake. I just wanted to nap all afternoon. I just hope things look up soon. Either that, or I just need to carry an ice pack with me everywhere I go ;)


Today's date: July 9, 2011

How far along: 18 weeks. I can't believe I'm almost halfway there!

Total weight gain: I'm at a loss of 10 pounds to date.

Size and growth of the baby: The size of a sweet potato! Baby's become amazingly mobile, passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking, and swallowing. Baby also has unique finger and toe prints. {per}

Sex: I have a guess, but we'll know for sure on July 21st (as long as bebe cooperates) :)

Maternity clothes: I am almost to the point where my old t-shirts and tanks don't cover my belly anymore. All bottoms are strictly maternity.

Sleep: I am still trying my best to learn how to sleep on my side. Some nights it seems like I'm getting worse, and other nights it works out ok. With waking up twice a night to pee, it usually doesn't matter anyways.

Best moment(s) of the week: I felt my first squirm this week! I was lightly tapping on my belly just for fun. About a minute or so later, I felt a tiny little squirm on my right side. It felt like a tiny earthworm wiggling around. It only lasted about 10 or 15 seconds, but I didn't feel anything afterwards that would make me think it's gas. I can't wait for Phil to be able to feel things too!

Movement: Read above answer  :)

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before. Hot chocolate, bruschetta, and anything cold are my biggest cravings at the moment.

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. Slight nausea when I eat something too greasy, so I just need to watch out for that.

Symptoms: Nausea, peeing a lot, cranky (mostly from the heat), slight heartburn from time to time, gassy, and pretty emotional. The song "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane that's a part of the Winnie the Pooh movie trailer makes me crying within the first 3 words. I usually love that song, but it makes me a weeping mess!

Labor signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling more movement and our ultrasound on the 21st!

Wednesday Randoms

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You would think that, with me being indoors all day long, (minus commuting time), that I would have the energy/time to update. Well, there are two problems with that logic. 1) Even though I'm indoors with a fan blowing on me constantly, the fact that we've been over 100 degrees for 17 days has turned me into a pool for useless muck. I literally just sit on the couch in bare-minimum clothing in front of the fan. I am just wiped out completely from all the heat. I think we're supposed to hit 104 at least 3 times in the next 7 days. Holy moly. 2) I don't have much to report. I have a small something today, but otherwise my life is boring. I literally go to work until 5, then I come home where Phil and I either watch "Bones" on Netflix or play Lego Harry Potter together on the Wii. We do that until 10 or so, then we head to bed where we pray together, then fall asleep to Big Bang Theory. The one day I tried to get out and do something, we went to Babies R' Us for about 1 hour, then I got overheated once we got back into the car and had to race home to cool me off. That was more embarrassing than anything for me, but it was hard because I wanted to do something outside the apartment. Plus, I'm pretty sure if your store will be full of pregnant ladies, it better feel like an igloo! Even Phil barely felt any cool air the whole time we were inside.

I just wish I could update more with something that's worth remembering. My main purpose for having a blog is to record my life and how I feel. Right now, it's just so - mundane. Also, anytime I think I feel movement, it turns out to be gas. People keep telling me it could still be baby, but I am not completely convinced.

*****

Despite this outrageous heat, guess what I've been craving the past two days? Hot chocolate. Now keep in mind, I'm not good with hot drinks since I burn my tongue almost immediately. By the time I'm ready to drink it, it's more like warm chocolate. However, I've just craved that yummy, smooth Rich Chocolate mix from Nestle! It's so so good. Phil thinks I'm nuts, but he's been a sport and made me hot chocolate two days in a row. Will the trend continue tonight? We shall see.

*****

Phil and I did go to a barbecue that my friend from high school threw on Sunday evening. We had to leave early because a heavy rainstorm was coming and we had a 20ish minute drive across town to get home. So much for being social.

*****

This is not very Christian of me, I admit, but do you have anyone from your past you'd like to show off how great you're doing now? It's not even ex-boyfriends or anything, just someone who made you feel awful about yourself? There are about 2 people like that for me. One is a guy that I had a crush on for about 2 years. I kinda liked him, but I never pined for him or anything. I was going to ask him to the junior prom and when he found out, he avoided me like the plague. I didn't even like him that much! lol The other is a guy who used to be really rude to me in science class. He'd say things like, "You're going to have saggy boobs when you're older", or "You have sideburns, did you know?". Everyday it was something. I may not be well off, or super skinny, but I have a wonderful life with an amazing man and I just wish I could show them how being rude or blowing me off didn't mess with my future.

*****

Now that we have a date for our gender reveal, I had this big elaborate plan to announce the baby's sex to our family and closest friends. However, it seems like everything is falling apart for my original plan. What I wanted was a small gathering at our place with my brother and my few close friends in town. We would get both sets of parents on Skype or Facetime and have the gender in an envelope to announce to everyone at the same time. Maybe they'd all hold up an index card with the word "boy" or "girl" as their guess.

First of all, my brother has moved out of town. Not too far mind you, but far enough that he wouldn't be able to come since it's a Thursday night. Then, I only have about 2 or 3 friends in town I'd want there and 1 for sure is going to be out of town on a family vacation. Then my mom informs me she's busy with her church until close to 8:30 p.m. Finally, Phil's mom has something she's doing as well that we're not entirely sure when she'll be done that evening. It just felt like everything just stopped. 

I understand that, although it is an exciting thing, everyone does have a life outside of my pregnancy. I also understand that, no matter how I announce it, it will be special since it is our first child and the first grandchild for both sides of the family. I just wanted to do something so that I didn't feel guilty for doing a party or whatnot for our next child (God willing).

I spent a lot of time on Google yesterday and I think we finally have a solution. First of all, I hate that it took so long to find anything besides that whole, cake cutting thing. I know people think it's cute, but there has to be more options for parents than that. Though I did find a video where they had their first child say out-loud what the cake said and he said "boy" when really it was a girl HAHA. It's better to just look/cut into it yourself apparently!

Anyways, I have come up with a new plan! When we go to the ultrasound, Phil will find out what the gender is and not tell me. Then he will video tape me later in the day, after work, unwrapping a box that will either have a gift or colored balloons to reveal the gender to me. When we video chat with our parents later, we will show them which ever sign I made that will show them what bebe's name is, which will reveal the gender as well. Once everyone that we want to know knows, we will post the video on my blog, and possibly Facebook. I'm pretty excited about it :) Plus, it's that little something special that I wanted to do for bebe.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Bébé Week 17 Update

{Phil and I were having a debate about if I'm showing more than last week. I think my bely fat on top looks bigger, but he's convinced that my whole abdomen is shifting up and makes it look bigger}

I wanted more than anything to update this week for a few reasons. Of course, due to one of them, I had a severe lack of sleep which is why I ended up not updating. *sigh* Someday I'll be better...

This week I had a BUNCH of crazy dreams. Now let me start off by saying, I'm the queen of crazy dreams. For as long as I can remember, if I ever tell my dreams to anyone else, it always ends with them giving me a weirded-out look and saying "Oooooook" LOL So I figured bring on the weird dreams pregnancy hormones! I'm sure I can handle you. Well, I've had a handful of crazy dreams a few nights in a row. They aren't crazy as much as super intense. One was fashioned like an episode of "Bones" and it involved knives and chainsaws and people dying off one by one. Yeah. Intense. Then I had another where my mom had died and I would wake up crying because I would never see her face or feel her hugs ever again. Yeah. So I would not sleep well those nights. Then for two mornings in a row this week, we had some thunderstorms pop up around 5 am and they would wake me up. Being the scaredy-cat I am, I was unable to go back to sleep. Needless to say, I've been having trouble sleeping lately.

The other is I had a great appointment on Thursday! Of course it was not very long like my last appointment, but still good :) Doctor found the heartbeat and it sounded good and she said she could hear movement, even though I can't feel them just yet! That made me feel good. Then we scheduled my complete OB ultrasound that will include finding out the gender on July 21st!! It's going to be a long 3 weeks, but I can't wait :D I'll be doing a special blog the night before where I'll go through some old wives tales and such to see what I might be having. Then I'll do the big announcement here, probably the day after the ultrasound, July 22nd. Phil and I want to Skype with our parents and it probably won't work until later in the evening since they all work. That way, the family knows and then I'll be happy to share :)

Now on to the update!


Today's date: July 2, 2011

How far along: 17 weeks

Total weight gain: I gained a little this week, but I'm still at a loss of 8ish pounds to date.

Size and growth of the baby: The size of an onion! Baby has full formed fingernails and is starting to develop the cute baby fat to help with their body's heat production and metabolism. Baby weighs about 3 1/2 ounces.

Sex: I have a feeling, but we'll know for sure in less than 3 weeks :)

Maternity clothes: I have a Be Band that I'm only using on my only pair of jeans, several tank tops from Old Navy as well as a pair of bermuda jean shorts. I may get a maxi dress soon, just to help with the heatwave we have going on right now.

Sleep: I was unable to sleep really well due to crazy/intense dreams, morning thunderstorms, and my body's rebelling of sleep on my side. 

Best moment(s) of the week: Hearing the heartbeat again and scheduling my ultasound!

Movement: I thought I might have, but I was also extra gassy this week. Come on baby - Mama needs a good swift kick! LOL

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before. I want cherry limeades almost everyday, and nutella on croissants were a blessing this week.

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. Slight nausea here and there, but definitely not like before. Phil tried to make me go a day without it, but I caved around 5:30. I was feeling icky and didn't want to go through throwing up later. Plus, I completely lost my appetite when the nausea came back. I guess I still need it for now.

Symptoms: Nausea, round ligament pain, peeing a lot, still kinda gassy, and pretty emotional.

Labor signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling some flutters and our ultrasound on the 21st!


Also, I don't know if I've mentioned these, but I got some new gifts for baby since late May and I finally took pictures to show them off!

This comes as a gift from my ex-co-worker-lady-ma'am :) It's a Yoda hat!! Since we don't know the gender yet, she suggested adding a flower to it if it's a girl. To that I say - heck yes!! Her mom actually made it and I found her Etsy store in case you're interested! Phil and I agreed there are just a few things that, no matter what gender our baby is, they will need to learn to love it. 1 being Star Wars and the other...

Baseball! Specifically the Kansas City Royals. When I went to a Royals game with my family in early June, mom and dad decided to get them their first Royals gear :) So sweet!

I have a few onesies I bought last year, but I'll share those another time :)

If you are traveling this weekend, or just hanging around the house, have a safe holiday!!

Bébé Week 16 Update

Sorry for the lack of posting this week. First of all, I had kind of a rough week in terms of work and it just zapped all of my energy. Second, I went to the beautiful wedding of my sorority sister Brandi this afternoon! It was a nice ceremony and I am very happy for the bride and groom :)


Today's date: June 25, 2011

How far along: 16 weeks

Total weight gain: I gained a pound back this week, but I'm still at a loss of 11 pounds to date.

Size and growth of the baby: The size of an avocado! The baby can hear what we're saying now as well. Maybe I'll start to sing to bebe :) Also, one of my books told me that the bebe can sense light now, so if I were to shine a flashlight, the baby would move. That's pretty cool!

Sex: I have a feeling, but it's still don't know. Hopefully we'll have a countdown soon :)

Maternity clothes: I have a Be Band that I'm only using on my only pair of jeans, several tank tops from Old Navy as well as a pair of bermuda jean shorts.

Sleep: I wake up twice a night now to go pee. I usually sleep very soundly in between potty breaks. Still hard to get comfy, but I'm sure I'll figure it out someday!

Best moment(s) of the week: Finally feeling hungry and feeling like I'm giving bebe enough nutrients.

Movement: Nothing yet. I hope to feel flutters soon!! (hint hint baby!)

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before, plus the sound of mayo is disguisting. No real cravings aside from anything cold since it's been, (and will continue to be) in the 100s for quite awhile.

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. Slight nausea here and there, but definitely not like before.

Symptoms: Nausea, round ligament pain, peeing a lot, still kinda gassy, and pretty emotional.

Labor signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: My next appointment on Thursday when I can hear the heartbeat and know bebe is fine! Also, I'm hoping we'll set up the ultrasound appointment to find out the gender that day as well! I don't think we'll get in until late July, but just having it scheduled is good for me.

Bébé Week 15 Update

Today's date: June 18, 2011

How far along: 15 weeks

Total weight gain: I have lost 12 pounds so far

Size and growth of the baby: The size of a naval orange!

Sex: I have a feeling, but it's still too soon to know

Maternity clothes: I have a Be Band that I'm only using on my only pair of jeans, several tank tops from Old Navy this week as well as a pair of bermuda jean shorts.

Sleep: I wake up twice a night now to go pee. I usually sleep very soundly in between potty breaks. Still hard to get comfy, but I'm sure I'll figure it out someday!

Best moment(s) of the week: Knowing I'm one week closer to feeling movements and seeing the baby again :)

Movement: Nothing yet.

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before. No real cravings aside from sno-cones which I got this afternoon :)

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. Slight nausea here and there, but definitely not like before.

Symptoms: Nausea, round ligament pain, peeing a lot, still kinda gassy, and pretty emotional.

Labor signs: none

Belly button in or out: in

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: My next appointment on June 30th, and feeling movements in the next few months!

Honest

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I'm going to be perfectly honest about something. Not that I haven't been honest before, but this is almost a brutally honest kind of post, (at least in my opinion).

I am a very compassionate person. It doesn't matter how well I know you either. If you are hurting, I feel it. I feel it deep down in my soul. I believe it's one of the many reasons why I cry so easily. I want to fix the hurt more than anything. It also doesn't matter if the hurt is from a human or an animal. I hate to see pain in the world. It makes my heart so very heavy and I get overwhelmed.

That is part of the reason why I have gone to counseling off and on since 1st grade. That's right, I said 1st grade. Originally, seeing the school counselor was a chance for me to get a break from my class. I had a lot of rambunctious boys in my class with a brand new teacher. The teacher had a hard time controlling any of the kids and it made me so upset to go to school. By going to counseling, I had 1 hour outside of the class by myself. However, the older I got, (and the more I got teased), the harder it was for me to deal.

You see, with both my parents being ministers, I had two church families growing up. Part of the make-up of the congregations my parents would serve included lots of older people. I do mean lots. If one would pass away, or get sick, or anything like that, I would get overwhelmed with emotion. With all the other things I was dealing with as a child, (teasing, lack of friends, lack of confidence, etc.), I had no room for all the emotions I felt. I couldn't sort out my own problems.

This only got worse.

Once I was in junior high and high school, I kept making friends with people who, although were very nice and good to me, had lots of issues. Including most of my boyfriends in high school, I mostly hung out with people I could "fix". The ones who needed me because I hated to see them in any type of pain. In the course of 5 years, I had 3 friends at school die, and 2 of them try to commit suicide. These were the people I chose to be around. Again, they were good people, but they just had a lot of issues. Since I wanted to fix their problems, I could never deal with mine. This is why I continued to go to counseling so I could learn to deal with my problems.

Now, I didn't tell this story to get sympathy. Nor am I trying to justify anything. However, I felt it was important to emphasize just how much other people's pain affects me.

Ever since I found out that I was pregnant with a viable pregnancy, I have been so thankful and happy. I know just how blessed I am to carry this child and how much of a big deal it is. I know of so many others who would give anything to be in my shoes. I completely understand that. I may not have suffered infertility as long as others, but PCOS is something I have to live with every day for the rest of my life. This may be the only child I can carry on my own. This could be my only chance. I try not to rub my pregnancy in anyone's face and I try to be as positive as possible.

However, aside from being a very compassionate person, I am also a hypochondriac. I always have been. Every pain, twitch, burp, fart, gas bubble, heartburn, etc. has had me on edge. Since I know this is such a blessing, I have been more paranoid than ever that something could happen. I tried so hard to keep everything out of my mind that could happen to baby before I got to the second trimester. I figured once I got to that milestone, everything would be honky-dory.

The problem with that? Ever since I hit my second trimester, I have had a series of announcements via blogs or facebook or what-have-you of women who have lost their children after they've hit the second trimester. Something happens with their development and they have a horrible defect that will make them a still-birth if they make it to term. Or something else happens and the baby dies before or soon after birth. Or the baby is born healthy and then has this incurable cancer. And of course, the latest episode of The Secret Life of the American Teenager did not help either. These are such sad stories and I have cried over each and every one of them.

Then, being the selfish hypochondriac I am, I start to worry that it'll be me. In fact, I ended up breaking down into this sob-fest on Wednesday as soon as I got home from work. Why? Not only had I been reading heart-breaking stories about loss all afternoon, I upset myself because I couldn't imagine having a 6 month-old this time next year. I couldn't visualize dressing a child in a swimsuit, taking it to a pool and just having a wonderful time in the water together. I couldn't imagine loading up a child in a car seat in my Jeep so we could run to Target and stop at a sno-cone shack.

Why did this upset me? Because I have one of the most vivid imaginations and I always have. That's why being a hypochondriac is so dangerous for me. I can visual things very easily and with lots of detail. So why can't I see myself with a child?

Now I know that this doesn't mean I will lose our child. In fact, I don't know anything because I'm not in control, (but that's a whole other post about control issues!). I know God will take care of me, but I also know He does all according to His will and not mine. What if His will is for me to lose this child? It would be so hard and heart-breaking. I know that this is part of what faith is. Trusting in Him and His will no matter what. Having faith doesn't mean I'll never worry. It doesn't mean I won't cry about it. I just can't let it get to me so much.

It's mostly hard for me because of my compassion and hypochondria. This combination really makes it hard for me to put into perspective that I am a rule and not an exception. The chances of losing my baby due to any complication is very very slim. I think a part of me worries because I chose not to do any early testing for abnormalities. I figured they were mostly to check for Down's Syndrome and Phil and I decided that wouldn't affect how much we love our child. We don't have any genetic reason to test for it and we'd be more than happy to raise a child with special needs. I'm sure another part of my worry now is the fact that I'm at least 2 weeks away from feeling any movements and 6 weeks away from my next ultrasound. I just want to know bebe is ok. I want that assurance. I crave it.

So if you have a happy story about a baby being just fine and healthy, I'd love to hear it. I seem to not hear those stories very often.

With this in mind, I've made the conscience decision that, although I will want to, I will not be reading any more sad stories. I just can't handle my own issues and be happy with my blessing if I continue to put those burdens on myself. That's the brutally honest part. I'm sure this sounds really horrible and selfish. I don't mean to come off that way. You have no idea how much I hate to upset others. However, I need to do this for the good of my baby and myself. I need to be thankful and happy and trusting.

This is such a perfect example of why I chose the word "know" as my word of the year. I need to keep that bible verse in mind and know that He is on my side. He is taking care of me and my baby and all will be well. It is well with my soul.

I will leave you with the lyrics of a beautiful hymn I'm sure you've heard before. It keeps coming to my mind as I've struggled with my doubt and fear this week. I hope it is comforting to you as well.

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
My constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

Chorus: 
I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
For His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

Let not your heart be troubled
His tender word I hear
And resting on His goodness
I lose my doubts and fears
I draw Thee closer to me
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me