Bébé Week 17 Update

{Phil and I were having a debate about if I'm showing more than last week. I think my bely fat on top looks bigger, but he's convinced that my whole abdomen is shifting up and makes it look bigger}

I wanted more than anything to update this week for a few reasons. Of course, due to one of them, I had a severe lack of sleep which is why I ended up not updating. *sigh* Someday I'll be better...

This week I had a BUNCH of crazy dreams. Now let me start off by saying, I'm the queen of crazy dreams. For as long as I can remember, if I ever tell my dreams to anyone else, it always ends with them giving me a weirded-out look and saying "Oooooook" LOL So I figured bring on the weird dreams pregnancy hormones! I'm sure I can handle you. Well, I've had a handful of crazy dreams a few nights in a row. They aren't crazy as much as super intense. One was fashioned like an episode of "Bones" and it involved knives and chainsaws and people dying off one by one. Yeah. Intense. Then I had another where my mom had died and I would wake up crying because I would never see her face or feel her hugs ever again. Yeah. So I would not sleep well those nights. Then for two mornings in a row this week, we had some thunderstorms pop up around 5 am and they would wake me up. Being the scaredy-cat I am, I was unable to go back to sleep. Needless to say, I've been having trouble sleeping lately.

The other is I had a great appointment on Thursday! Of course it was not very long like my last appointment, but still good :) Doctor found the heartbeat and it sounded good and she said she could hear movement, even though I can't feel them just yet! That made me feel good. Then we scheduled my complete OB ultrasound that will include finding out the gender on July 21st!! It's going to be a long 3 weeks, but I can't wait :D I'll be doing a special blog the night before where I'll go through some old wives tales and such to see what I might be having. Then I'll do the big announcement here, probably the day after the ultrasound, July 22nd. Phil and I want to Skype with our parents and it probably won't work until later in the evening since they all work. That way, the family knows and then I'll be happy to share :)

Now on to the update!


Today's date: July 2, 2011

How far along: 17 weeks

Total weight gain: I gained a little this week, but I'm still at a loss of 8ish pounds to date.

Size and growth of the baby: The size of an onion! Baby has full formed fingernails and is starting to develop the cute baby fat to help with their body's heat production and metabolism. Baby weighs about 3 1/2 ounces.

Sex: I have a feeling, but we'll know for sure in less than 3 weeks :)

Maternity clothes: I have a Be Band that I'm only using on my only pair of jeans, several tank tops from Old Navy as well as a pair of bermuda jean shorts. I may get a maxi dress soon, just to help with the heatwave we have going on right now.

Sleep: I was unable to sleep really well due to crazy/intense dreams, morning thunderstorms, and my body's rebelling of sleep on my side. 

Best moment(s) of the week: Hearing the heartbeat again and scheduling my ultasound!

Movement: I thought I might have, but I was also extra gassy this week. Come on baby - Mama needs a good swift kick! LOL

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before. I want cherry limeades almost everyday, and nutella on croissants were a blessing this week.

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. Slight nausea here and there, but definitely not like before. Phil tried to make me go a day without it, but I caved around 5:30. I was feeling icky and didn't want to go through throwing up later. Plus, I completely lost my appetite when the nausea came back. I guess I still need it for now.

Symptoms: Nausea, round ligament pain, peeing a lot, still kinda gassy, and pretty emotional.

Labor signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling some flutters and our ultrasound on the 21st!


Also, I don't know if I've mentioned these, but I got some new gifts for baby since late May and I finally took pictures to show them off!

This comes as a gift from my ex-co-worker-lady-ma'am :) It's a Yoda hat!! Since we don't know the gender yet, she suggested adding a flower to it if it's a girl. To that I say - heck yes!! Her mom actually made it and I found her Etsy store in case you're interested! Phil and I agreed there are just a few things that, no matter what gender our baby is, they will need to learn to love it. 1 being Star Wars and the other...

Baseball! Specifically the Kansas City Royals. When I went to a Royals game with my family in early June, mom and dad decided to get them their first Royals gear :) So sweet!

I have a few onesies I bought last year, but I'll share those another time :)

If you are traveling this weekend, or just hanging around the house, have a safe holiday!!

Bébé Week 16 Update

Sorry for the lack of posting this week. First of all, I had kind of a rough week in terms of work and it just zapped all of my energy. Second, I went to the beautiful wedding of my sorority sister Brandi this afternoon! It was a nice ceremony and I am very happy for the bride and groom :)


Today's date: June 25, 2011

How far along: 16 weeks

Total weight gain: I gained a pound back this week, but I'm still at a loss of 11 pounds to date.

Size and growth of the baby: The size of an avocado! The baby can hear what we're saying now as well. Maybe I'll start to sing to bebe :) Also, one of my books told me that the bebe can sense light now, so if I were to shine a flashlight, the baby would move. That's pretty cool!

Sex: I have a feeling, but it's still don't know. Hopefully we'll have a countdown soon :)

Maternity clothes: I have a Be Band that I'm only using on my only pair of jeans, several tank tops from Old Navy as well as a pair of bermuda jean shorts.

Sleep: I wake up twice a night now to go pee. I usually sleep very soundly in between potty breaks. Still hard to get comfy, but I'm sure I'll figure it out someday!

Best moment(s) of the week: Finally feeling hungry and feeling like I'm giving bebe enough nutrients.

Movement: Nothing yet. I hope to feel flutters soon!! (hint hint baby!)

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before, plus the sound of mayo is disguisting. No real cravings aside from anything cold since it's been, (and will continue to be) in the 100s for quite awhile.

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. Slight nausea here and there, but definitely not like before.

Symptoms: Nausea, round ligament pain, peeing a lot, still kinda gassy, and pretty emotional.

Labor signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: My next appointment on Thursday when I can hear the heartbeat and know bebe is fine! Also, I'm hoping we'll set up the ultrasound appointment to find out the gender that day as well! I don't think we'll get in until late July, but just having it scheduled is good for me.

Bébé Week 15 Update

Today's date: June 18, 2011

How far along: 15 weeks

Total weight gain: I have lost 12 pounds so far

Size and growth of the baby: The size of a naval orange!

Sex: I have a feeling, but it's still too soon to know

Maternity clothes: I have a Be Band that I'm only using on my only pair of jeans, several tank tops from Old Navy this week as well as a pair of bermuda jean shorts.

Sleep: I wake up twice a night now to go pee. I usually sleep very soundly in between potty breaks. Still hard to get comfy, but I'm sure I'll figure it out someday!

Best moment(s) of the week: Knowing I'm one week closer to feeling movements and seeing the baby again :)

Movement: Nothing yet.

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before. No real cravings aside from sno-cones which I got this afternoon :)

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. Slight nausea here and there, but definitely not like before.

Symptoms: Nausea, round ligament pain, peeing a lot, still kinda gassy, and pretty emotional.

Labor signs: none

Belly button in or out: in

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: My next appointment on June 30th, and feeling movements in the next few months!

Honest

{via}

I'm going to be perfectly honest about something. Not that I haven't been honest before, but this is almost a brutally honest kind of post, (at least in my opinion).

I am a very compassionate person. It doesn't matter how well I know you either. If you are hurting, I feel it. I feel it deep down in my soul. I believe it's one of the many reasons why I cry so easily. I want to fix the hurt more than anything. It also doesn't matter if the hurt is from a human or an animal. I hate to see pain in the world. It makes my heart so very heavy and I get overwhelmed.

That is part of the reason why I have gone to counseling off and on since 1st grade. That's right, I said 1st grade. Originally, seeing the school counselor was a chance for me to get a break from my class. I had a lot of rambunctious boys in my class with a brand new teacher. The teacher had a hard time controlling any of the kids and it made me so upset to go to school. By going to counseling, I had 1 hour outside of the class by myself. However, the older I got, (and the more I got teased), the harder it was for me to deal.

You see, with both my parents being ministers, I had two church families growing up. Part of the make-up of the congregations my parents would serve included lots of older people. I do mean lots. If one would pass away, or get sick, or anything like that, I would get overwhelmed with emotion. With all the other things I was dealing with as a child, (teasing, lack of friends, lack of confidence, etc.), I had no room for all the emotions I felt. I couldn't sort out my own problems.

This only got worse.

Once I was in junior high and high school, I kept making friends with people who, although were very nice and good to me, had lots of issues. Including most of my boyfriends in high school, I mostly hung out with people I could "fix". The ones who needed me because I hated to see them in any type of pain. In the course of 5 years, I had 3 friends at school die, and 2 of them try to commit suicide. These were the people I chose to be around. Again, they were good people, but they just had a lot of issues. Since I wanted to fix their problems, I could never deal with mine. This is why I continued to go to counseling so I could learn to deal with my problems.

Now, I didn't tell this story to get sympathy. Nor am I trying to justify anything. However, I felt it was important to emphasize just how much other people's pain affects me.

Ever since I found out that I was pregnant with a viable pregnancy, I have been so thankful and happy. I know just how blessed I am to carry this child and how much of a big deal it is. I know of so many others who would give anything to be in my shoes. I completely understand that. I may not have suffered infertility as long as others, but PCOS is something I have to live with every day for the rest of my life. This may be the only child I can carry on my own. This could be my only chance. I try not to rub my pregnancy in anyone's face and I try to be as positive as possible.

However, aside from being a very compassionate person, I am also a hypochondriac. I always have been. Every pain, twitch, burp, fart, gas bubble, heartburn, etc. has had me on edge. Since I know this is such a blessing, I have been more paranoid than ever that something could happen. I tried so hard to keep everything out of my mind that could happen to baby before I got to the second trimester. I figured once I got to that milestone, everything would be honky-dory.

The problem with that? Ever since I hit my second trimester, I have had a series of announcements via blogs or facebook or what-have-you of women who have lost their children after they've hit the second trimester. Something happens with their development and they have a horrible defect that will make them a still-birth if they make it to term. Or something else happens and the baby dies before or soon after birth. Or the baby is born healthy and then has this incurable cancer. And of course, the latest episode of The Secret Life of the American Teenager did not help either. These are such sad stories and I have cried over each and every one of them.

Then, being the selfish hypochondriac I am, I start to worry that it'll be me. In fact, I ended up breaking down into this sob-fest on Wednesday as soon as I got home from work. Why? Not only had I been reading heart-breaking stories about loss all afternoon, I upset myself because I couldn't imagine having a 6 month-old this time next year. I couldn't visualize dressing a child in a swimsuit, taking it to a pool and just having a wonderful time in the water together. I couldn't imagine loading up a child in a car seat in my Jeep so we could run to Target and stop at a sno-cone shack.

Why did this upset me? Because I have one of the most vivid imaginations and I always have. That's why being a hypochondriac is so dangerous for me. I can visual things very easily and with lots of detail. So why can't I see myself with a child?

Now I know that this doesn't mean I will lose our child. In fact, I don't know anything because I'm not in control, (but that's a whole other post about control issues!). I know God will take care of me, but I also know He does all according to His will and not mine. What if His will is for me to lose this child? It would be so hard and heart-breaking. I know that this is part of what faith is. Trusting in Him and His will no matter what. Having faith doesn't mean I'll never worry. It doesn't mean I won't cry about it. I just can't let it get to me so much.

It's mostly hard for me because of my compassion and hypochondria. This combination really makes it hard for me to put into perspective that I am a rule and not an exception. The chances of losing my baby due to any complication is very very slim. I think a part of me worries because I chose not to do any early testing for abnormalities. I figured they were mostly to check for Down's Syndrome and Phil and I decided that wouldn't affect how much we love our child. We don't have any genetic reason to test for it and we'd be more than happy to raise a child with special needs. I'm sure another part of my worry now is the fact that I'm at least 2 weeks away from feeling any movements and 6 weeks away from my next ultrasound. I just want to know bebe is ok. I want that assurance. I crave it.

So if you have a happy story about a baby being just fine and healthy, I'd love to hear it. I seem to not hear those stories very often.

With this in mind, I've made the conscience decision that, although I will want to, I will not be reading any more sad stories. I just can't handle my own issues and be happy with my blessing if I continue to put those burdens on myself. That's the brutally honest part. I'm sure this sounds really horrible and selfish. I don't mean to come off that way. You have no idea how much I hate to upset others. However, I need to do this for the good of my baby and myself. I need to be thankful and happy and trusting.

This is such a perfect example of why I chose the word "know" as my word of the year. I need to keep that bible verse in mind and know that He is on my side. He is taking care of me and my baby and all will be well. It is well with my soul.

I will leave you with the lyrics of a beautiful hymn I'm sure you've heard before. It keeps coming to my mind as I've struggled with my doubt and fear this week. I hope it is comforting to you as well.

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
My constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

Chorus: 
I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
For His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

Let not your heart be troubled
His tender word I hear
And resting on His goodness
I lose my doubts and fears
I draw Thee closer to me
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

Can You Relate?

{via}

{Now I really want to watch Up!}

I’m slowly, but surely getting my energy back. It’s nice to want to do something besides sit on the couch with a fan blowing on my face for once! However, now that I have energy, I have nothing to do/talk about. Anything that happens to me seems mundane or not an entire-blog-post worthy. So, this will be a disjointed post of things that have happened to me. That’s why it’s called “Can You Relate?”. Enjoy! :)

*****

Yesterday, in the middle of the “Pretty Little Liars” premiere, a hailstorm popped out of nowhere and hit our apartment complex. Now imagine me, reclined on the couch, in nothing but a tank top and short shorts, (because it was SO hot yesterday!).  Phil, being the curious man he is, opens the blinds to the French doors that lead to our balcony. This leaves me exposed to the world in all my hoochie-mama glory. Yeah, I admit it was cool to watch, but not while worrying the neighbors could see me.

*****

This morning I did not give myself enough time to do my hair properly. Even with nearly 9 hours of sleep every night, getting up to pee twice makes me groggy in the morning. In desperation, I decided to scrunch my wavy bed hair. After two applications, (which only covers 1/3 of my thick hair btw), I realize I am completely out of mousse. What’s a girl to do? Scrunch with her hairspray of course! It does not look like I thought it would, but it at least looks like I tried? Maybe?

*****

Because of baby, I have been extra gassy lately. Phil and I joke that, instead of Pinky and the Brain, (old school cartoon throw back!), we’re more Stinky and the Brain. I’ll give you one guess who is who. Anyways, I’m trying to be as considerate as I can about passing gas so much. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’ve done anything until Phil starts to leave with a horrid look on his face. Anyways, yesterday Phil was making gazpacho for dinner tomorrow since it has to chill. I had the fan on me to keep my cool. I just want to point out that you have to round a corner to get from our couch to the kitchen. Anyways, I let out a small one because it was making me uncomfortable. Within 5 seconds, Phil starts making this strange sound. Turns out I had accidently aimed for the fan, which propelled this fart quickly and made Phil gag. Sorry honey!

*****

Phil and I went to Barnes and Noble the other day just to browse and do something with our hot Saturday afternoon. I like to venture into the Children’s section so I can make lists of all the books I want my children to have because I loved them as a child. At one point, Phil went to a different part of the section for a few minutes. He suddenly walked towards me quickly with an interesting look on his face. It was a mixture of intrigue, disgust, and excitement. He pulls me to the side and shows me a new book called “Walter the Farting Dog – Banned from the Beach”. I just have to premise this with the fact that my family is really into potty humor. In fact, we made fart jokes nearly every Father’s Day for most of my childhood. This book was RIGHT up my alley! The best part? It’s part of a series. A SERIES! We bought the book and read it as soon as we got home. Oh my! That dog really does fart a lot! HAHA It was hilarious and we really hope that it because one of our child’s favorite books. We plan on eventually getting the rest of the series, but for now, this one is enough to satisfy our humor :)

Hope you enjoyed my tidbits. Happy Wednesday everyone!

Bébé Week 14 Update

I'm pretty excited because this is the first week that I noticed a difference from my picture last week! I asked Phil about 5 times if it really has pooched out that much or if it's just the fact that I have a skirt on instead of gauchos that I had on last week. He assured me it is just baby! :D


Today's date: June 10, 2011

How far along: 14 weeks

Total weight gain: I actually weighed myself this morning because I've been eating better dinners lately. However, it still said 213.4 which is 11 pounds less than my weight the day I found out I was pregnant. Maybe once I start eating better breakfasts and lunches the number will go up. I just feel a little guilty because I don't want baby to be lacking in nutrients. I do take my prenatal vitamins every single day so my mama said baby should be covered :)

Size and growth of the baby: The size of a lemon! Baby's heart is pumping blood, baby is sucking his/her thumb, wiggling his/her toes and tiny hairs (lanugo) are growing all over his/her body.

Sex: I have a feeling, but it's still too soon to know

Maternity clothes: I have a Be Band that I'm only using on my only pair of jeans. I just got several tank tops from Old Navy this week as well as a pair of bermuda jean shorts! Just in time for the Oklahoma heat! I have two pairs of cargo pants and a nice black skirt. I may get a maxi dress in July, but I think I'm set for awhile.

Sleep: I wake up twice a night now to go pee. I usually sleep very soundly in between potty breaks. However, I've been having some round ligament pains in my right hip during the night so it's hard to get comfortable. Once it passes, I can usually fall asleep pretty well.

Best moment(s) of the week: Finishing up my craft that I made specifically for the gender reveal! I made a sign for both the boy and girl name we have picked out. Once we reveal the gender, I'll reveal the names/sign :) Plus I thought it would be cute to hang the sign in our hospital room too!

Movement: Nothing yet.

Food cravings/aversions: Same aversions as before. I miss eating chips and salsa, but I know bebe won't like it. My main two cravings this week have been Birthday Cake ice cream from Marble Slab, (just plain!), and I wanted blueberry muffins for breakfast this morning! Very yummy :)

Morning sickness: I still take Zofran everyday at lunch just to be safe. However, I seem to be having less nausea after dinner than I used to! I did get really nauseous yesterday morning, but I think I was just really hungry and I didn't have any snacks at work at the time.

Symptoms: Nausea, round ligament pain, peeing a lot, still kinda gassy, and pretty emotional. I cry at TV shows easier than I used to, which is REALLY saying something! LOL

Labor signs: none

Belly button in or out: in

What I miss: Nothing really :)

What I'm looking forward to: My next appointment on June 30th, and feeling movements in the next few months!

Wee Bit Wednesday

{one} how many times have you been a bridesmaid/maid of honor?I have been a bridesmaid once, a junior bridesmaid once and a matron of honor once :)



{two} what’s the last thing your do before you fall asleep at night?Pray with Phil. It's a new ritual we just started and I love it!



{three} you just won your dream vacation, all expenses paid. where are you going?Wow... I would definitely say Spain. I've always wanted to go there and I think it'd be a blast!



{four} what is your favorite outdoor activity?I think swimming and walking/hiking would be my favorites.



{five} as a child, what did you want to “be when you grew up”? did you end up there?HAHA My mom likes to tease me about this question. When I was around 3 or 4, (I'm sure because the Little Mermaid just came out), I told my mama that I was going to be a mermaid when I grew up and when I turn 13, she can sew my fin for me! LOL After that I juggled the idea of either a lawyer, a vet or a wedding planner for a really long time. Once I realized how much school was involved, I went with singing opera. I definitely did not end up with any of those careers. In fact, I'm thinking about becoming a teacher's aide, since I love to work with children, but it will all depend on where Phil ends up.



{six} what are 3 things your dream home would have that you don’t currently have?A garage, a nice big porch with a swing and a big backyard with a soft green lawn



{seven} what’s for dinner tonight?I don't plan that far ahead. Once I get home from work and have a quick snack, then Phil and I discuss what sounds the best to me at the moment.



{eight} if someone stopped by your house unannounced on a typical Saturday night, what would they find you doing?Watching Bones on Netflix with Phil HAHA



{nine} what’s your average monthly water bill?$0 right now, but we just got a letter telling us they might start charging soon :( 



{ten} what do you do to relax?Usually change into comfy clothes, sit on the couch and enjoy some quiet time. I also try to ignore my phone unless it seems important!
In other news, I successfully ate a turkey burger last night! It from a recipe I posted here last summer. I ate the entire thing, along with some sweet potato fries and felt very satisfied :) I did feel a teensy bit nauceous later, but not enough to make me think it was the food. Maybe the 2nd trimester is starting to help a mama out! I am feeling a little more alert, even if I'm a little tired. All good signs!
Other than that I'm just working and sleeping and eating all the time. My life is a bit boring right now, but it is definitely satisfying :)