Life Is Hard And So Is Love Child, Believe In All These Things...

I don't know why the title came to my head that way, but I really like it :)
So here are some of the things Phil and I have discussed:

1) Where we are going to live after school
2) What to do about his job situation
3) How we'll get along if he doesn't get the fellowship

The answers we have come up with are:

1) We have always talked about how we need to get out of Oklahoma. Don't get me wrong, it is a nice place with mostly decent people. However, there are just too many things we have problems with aside from the desire to live somewhere else. We have also always agreed that, wherever we go, we do not want to start completely over. What I mean by this is, we want to know someone in the general area already instead of just starting completely from scratch. We had talked about Denver several times, but somehow our attention was shifted to Kansas City, Missouri. You see, most of my dad's family still lives there, it's halfway between my parents (for now) and Phil's parents and it's home to our favorite baseball team (don't hate!) :) Even though the job market for Phil is a bit more limited, we have discussed that this is where we want to end up so we will be moving there regardless of Phil's job situation. If I need to work a little bit when we first move and have Phil take a part-time job or something, then that's what we'll do. The Lord will provide and he will make sure we get by. It's exciting having a specific destination in mind. Plus, now I can start looking at the cost of housing, how much we'll need to save up for a down payment, cost of living, taxes, school districts, etc. It's times like this it's actually good to be a planner :D

2) Phil has obviously been pretty burned out lately so we have decided that he will be giving his 4 week notice (ridiculous right?!) at work on July 1st. It apparently has to be 4 weeks so they can hire someone and have Phil train them. Ugh... whatever. I have noticed that, ever since we came to this solution, Phil is much more chipper than usual. He usually just dragged around the apartment before his shifts. Now, he still complains a little, but definitely not to the point he used to. I think having an end in sight has really helped him.

3) According to Phil's adviser, he will probably find out about the fellowship ON the 15th. Great..... I still think he has it in the bag, but we did talk about if he doesn't get it what we can do. We are cutting back on groceries, (which we actually eat really well and mostly fresh foods which is amazing for 2 married college students), eating out, etc. If we end up needing some more money, we can figure something out. We also have a plan to pay off most of our credit cards which will be nice as well :D So, it's been kinda uncomfortably close to bad financially for us lately, but we've survived and I think we will continue to revise our strategy and come out on top!

In other news, I never got to tell you that my uncle is doing much better! He's not completely out of the woods, but he is no longer in crucial days, they've moved him to a regular room at the hospital and he is starting to do well with his physical therapy to get his arm working well again. My parents went home Friday or Saturday (I don't remember which day) and felt good about everything which made me relax as well.

If you could keep the Austin family in your prayers, I'd really appreciate it. My boss' mom passed away yesterday from colon cancer. His mom, Mary Lee, was such a wonderful and sweet woman. She and my mom became good friends when my mom first started at Central because Mary Lee helped out in the office sometimes. Mary Lee never complained about anything and when my mom visited her in early May, she wasn't worried about dying, but she cried because she didn't want to hurt her husband. How sweet is that? She even apologized for complaining one time during some chemo treatment. I'm still amazed at that! However, my favorite story about her is the time she helped me. The first Sunday I was in church after my mom left, (the 2nd Sunday of her absence since I was out of town that first time), I could hardly keep my head up in church. Everything reminded me that she was gone and I was teary-eyed most of the service. After the service was over, I went silently to the choir room to put up my music and robe. Mary Lee walked into the room, found me, and without saying a word, she hugged me for a few moments. When she pulled away, she put my face in her hands and smiled before turning to leave. She didn't even have to say anything because I knew what she meant. I'm glad she is no longer in pain and I hope she knows how much she is loved and will be missed by so many many people.

Peace to you,

"Fireflies" by Faith Hill

Remind Us How We Used To Be...

This past week, I've really struggled with some things. One in particular was feeling torn between being called to continue my education after UCO and being called to start my family. It wasn't helping that I've just felt very left out recently. I feel like that old married woman that no one wants to hang out with or thinks she is trying too hard to be friends because she's lonely. I know that's not exactly the case, but that's how I've been feeling.

Well, a friend from Tulsa, Kayla, recently got off facebook, but asked for her friends' email addresses so she could still communicate with them. It's been about a month since she sent me the message, but I just kind of lost track of time. So I emailed her last week and asked how she was. I also mentioned my struggles and she wrote back a beautiful message that was exactly what I needed to hear. I won't put the whole message on here, but this is the part that really made my heart smile :)

"I was thinking recently about how ironic it is that as a culture we have this mentality that if you are pro-life, and you love life, and you give yourself to the mission of receiving more life into the world through a family, somehow you can't "have a life" anymore. People see it as a tradeoff, either having children and not having time to be a world-class musician (in my case), or else being a serious musician and not having time for a family. It's a very human way of perceiving things, but I don't think it is God's way. Jesus said, "I came that they might have life and have it in abundance". It's not an either-or, but a both-and. With God all things are possible. I was just thinking about the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves. How different--we humans would think of the "division" of the loaves!! We think that every time we give ourselves away to loving or caring for another person, we lose out on other things or our portion gets smaller. But apparently the Lord thinks about it like the more generous we are, the more there is to go around. Love is infinite. Having children is the biggest application of this, because you know how deeply rooted this idea of the "division of the loaves" is towards the idea of having a family. But I was very encouraged thinking about the multiplication of the loaves, because I intend to have life in abundance. I think the Lord has been letting me know over the past year persevering through school with Gemma Rose that all things are possible with Him, and that He wants me to be able to have both--to bring forth life in abundance, and still "have a life" in abundance!!! So I guess at this point, I'm very encouraged to keep up performing, and keep on having children, in God's timing of course. Hopefully by sharing this with you I can encourage you in some way as well!"

I'm so glad she felt compelled to write this because it really made my day! I'm so glad I wrote her that original email and I will definitely make sure I keep in touch with this wonderful person :)

Other than that, we're still waiting to hear about Phil's fellowship, but we have talked more seriously about some other things. I will wait and post that tomorrow so I can spread it out a bit ;) Hope y'all are doing well! Happy Monday!

Peace to you,

"Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston

On Top Of Spaghetti...

Even though the new one comes out today, I've been wanting this one awhile. I stayed up until almost 1 am trying to make the family and house I wanted =P I forgot how addicting the game is :)

I made homemade spaghetti and meatballs last night! I got pretty frustrated though because the first method wasn't cooking the meat very well so I looked up another way. Both times they didn't work and I have semi-raw meatballs! >:( Luckily, Phil got home about the time I was going to literally throw in the towel and saved the day. He cranked up the oven temperature and in no time we had perfect meatballs :D Our poor little Crockpot was a little to small for the original recipe I used so I ended up making quite a mess. Oh well, at least it was delicious!

About an hour after my uncle update, he apparently had another stroke. Ok, here's what I have so far. He did indeed have a stroke a few days ago when the doctors originally said he did not. He had the second stroke because the clot they were watching had a few pieces break off. They did get him stabilized and it looks as if the clot is big enough to lodge in place which, I guess, is what they were hoping would happen. Also, because of the clot, the doctors could not give him his blood pressure medicine (my dad and all of his siblings take high blood pressure medicine) and his pressure was in the 200s. Now that the clot is big enough, they can give it to him again. The doctor said that the next 2-3 days are crucial, but he is feeling more optimistic now. I just got off the phone with my mom because my parents drove down there yesterday. As of this morning, he had a good night and my parents are going to visit with him for part of the afternoon. Apparently my Aunt Joyce lives in an apartment right across the street from the hospital he is at which makes it very helpful :) So, it's still not really great, but it's better than before. I'm just worried about my dad, as always.

Other than that, just working and such.

Peace to you,

"On Top Of Spaghetti"

You Make Me Smile...

I almost forgot to mention something!

Thank you to everyone who has been keeping my uncle in your thoughts and prayers! He is no longer in a coma and is aware of what is going on. Apparently, the doctor's are no longer trying to dissolve the clot, but make it large enough to remove it. The prognosis is definitely better than what it was and we are much more hopeful! I'll let you know if anything changes :)

Peace to you,

"Smile" by Uncle Kracker

EDIT:: I just realized that I never mentioned him on the blog, just my twitter. Here's the scoop. Pretty much my Uncle Tom, (my dad's only brother), started having slurred speech. Thinking he was having a stroke, my aunt took him to the hospital, but found out he wasn't having a stroke after all. A few months ago, they had to go in and clean out one of his arteries in the front of his neck because it got really clogged. The doctors decided to check an artery in the back of his neck too see if they needed to clean out that one and discovered a clot. The problem is, it was just the right size that they were worried if they tried to remove it, it would travel to his heart or his brain. They put him in ICU and put him in a coma hoping to find a solution. Originally they were going to dissolve the clot, but now they have other plans. As long as they can get the clot, he should be back to normal and his speech will be fine again::

In The Month Of June...

Well, here we are, in the month of June. May went by way too quickly for me. Though, it could just be how sore I am after my incredible migraine last night. I'm not tired, just really sore :(

Last night was the season finale/Lauren's series finale of The Hills followed by the MTV Movie Awards 2009. First of all, I agree that most moments were funny, but some were pretty lame. Oh well, that'll happen. Something I'm really not happy about is the fact that the last minute that included scenes for next season had NO sound and MTV couldn't even get it together until the movie montage in the opening of the award show. Grr.... I'm hoping to catch the scenes online even though I won't be watching.

It's funny, but I liked Kristin better than Lauren in Laguna Beach. I though Kristin was more real about who she is than Lauren. However, The Hills is about LAUREN! Not Audrina, not Whitney, NOT Speidi, not Holly, not Stephanie and NOT KRISTIN! This isn't Laguna people. Now that Lauren is gone, I will no longer be watching.

Speaking of not watching, I just can't bring myself to watch Jon & Kate + 8. I mean, I don't really believe all the tabloids saying they both cheated, but they are both obviously not really trying to do what is best for their children. Plus, I feel that Jon is being very immature for not even pretending that he wants to work things out. The kids are old enough to figure out what's going on. I used to love watching the show. I am aware that Kate has been super rough on Jon the past few years, (I'm not blind), and it's a LOT worse than when the show first started. However, they are both at fault and they are both not on the same page which makes it hard to work anything out. So, until I hear they're at least working things out, I don't want to watch a train wreck happen or even look at the children's faces knowing their world is slowly falling apart.

However, I can't cut off reality TV cold turkey, so I'm now watching The Little Couple! It's really precious :)

Phil and I tried to watch Blindness last night. It was awful and made me physically sick. I do NOT understand why there are so many rape scenes in movies now. It doesn't add to the story and it was UNNECESSARILY long. Not explicit, but long. Really no need for that. All you have to do is elude to it and not show it. Ughh... it's making me nauseous just thinking about it...

One last thing. Apparently Phil's fellowship notification has been pushed back AGAIN! Ugh... the worst part is, they didn't even email him to tell him. He found out by looking on their website. Jerks. So we will know by June 15th if he was awarded the fellowship or not. I promise you... if they move it one last time.... I'm going to do something not nice!! >:(

To end on a happy note, I'm going to try to make homemade spaghetti and meatballs using the Italian sausage Phil and I bought in Krebs tonight! It looks super tasty and it doesn't look like it'll take too long :)

Happy Monday everyone!

Peace to you,

"Eli's Song" by John Denver