Saturday, March 22, 2014

Answers

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have some news.

As I'm sure you've noticed by my more recent posts, I've been in a bit of a slump. In an attempt to not sound like I'm whiney, I didn't really mention every thing. I've been emotionally and physically drained for about 2 months now. It is to the point where I can count on both hands the number of times I have felt well since January 1st. I assumed I was just adjusting to life with two children. Obviously, there was more to it.

After being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I confessed to Phil my fears on Thursday night. With the physical symptoms I have been battling for awhile, I told him I was afraid. Afraid that I had some kind of disease or disorder that caused my system to be out of whack. Afraid that it was something more, like a major health issue or even cancer. After assuring me he was not convinced it was cancer, he did suggest that I find a doctor to get everything checked out.

I slept on the idea, and then called my mom the next morning. Once I finished my story, my mom put in her two cents. It was the insight I needed, so I thought on it for a bit. I then googled what she mentioned, and decided to call my OBGYN. After they offered to squeeze me in at noon, I had my answer.

I have postpartum depression.

It's not an extreme case or anything, and I have not had any desires to harm myself or the children. If anything, the kids are taken care of, and I am the one I've neglected. I am just hoping this will help me function a little better. Plus, I had no idea it could come about any time during the first year of your child's life. I assumed that I wouldn't get it since I made it to the 6 week postpartum check-up without any indication that I would have postpartum depression. That's part of why I thought I was just needed to work harder at balancing two children.

I was not really expecting this, but in hindsight it does make sense. In fact, Phil was starting to suspect, but said that he didn't know how to bring it up.

{That is an awkward conversation starter.}

Hopefully things will start to finally fall into place. I am so thankful for the husband and family that I have because they are all being super supportive!

Of course, 2014 life kicked my butt again with killing off Phil's car so now we have to go car shopping soon.  {Is it 2015 yet? le sigh}

Although having anti-depression medication was not on my birthday wish list, it's what I got. Along with it, I have a newfound sense of pride in myself. I asked for help when I really needed it. It wasn't easy, but I'm on the right path now :)

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for being bold enough to share this, your courage is admirable. It is one of those things that most people don't want to make public. I know several people that have dealt with PPD and PPP and recognizing what it really was helped them so much. Keeping all of you in our prayers!

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    Replies
    1. You're so very sweet. Thank you for the support and prayers! I very much appreciate it :)

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