What Being a Parent Has Taught Me

I realize that I'm been a parent for a minute 9 months, but I feel like Jillian has taught me many things. She has changed me from the inside out and given my heart more of a reason to beat.

1. There will be times when your child knows best.
As someone with control issues, I find it really hard to let Jillian take the lead. "She doesn't know what she's doing yet!" "If I don't intervene, she'll starve/hurt herself/be frustrated."
I can come up with many excuses to force my way on her. Certain times I do know best. However, there are situations where I have to let her tell me what she wants. I can't shove food down her throat, no matter how much I worry she's not eating enough. I can't make her sleep, no matter how tired she is. I won't relinquish all of my control, but it certainly makes our day much happier in the end.

2. There are things you will have to figure out on your own.
Countless books and websites have told me how to make sure my baby is warm in the winter. How many taught me how to keep her cool in the 100+ degree weather this summer? None. Not a single one. I'm sure part of it is it comes across as common sense that you should keep your child cool with fans, or light clothing right? Well, that can be an argument for keeping your baby warm too. So I did some improvising. And you know what? It worked out. I'm not saying it worked out all the time and every time, but we got by. That includes having our two major stretches of little to no air conditioning in our place of residence. Improvising can be scary, but it's important to do what is best for you and your baby.

3. Crying and laughing go hand in hand.
There are times where Jillian will do something that can make me mad/scared and crack me up and the same time. This is also a lesson in not taking myself so seriously and let things go. For example, just this morning I decided to let Jillian feed herself breakfast. All the books told me she needs to learn and I have to give her a chance. I gave her the spoon and held the bowl down. After about 15 minutes of nothing, I gave her a quick spoonful myself. She seemed hungry so I figured that gave her motivation. I let go of the bowl and sat back. Within 30 seconds, Jillian threw her spoon on the floor, grabbed the bowl, and watched the food drip down into her lap. I thought she'd move it soon, but I was wrong. Every last bit of that food covered her like this

{I think the face says it all}

A part of me was so mad that she wasted that food, and I just wanted to cry. Money is tight right now, and baby food is not cheap. However, watching her just let it drip down into her diaper was one of the funniest things I've seen in awhile. Yes it was a little annoying that I had to bathe her, then put her down for a nap, then clean the floor, and finally put her highchair in the shower just to have a fighting chance of getting it clean. But the video and photos I took were priceless :)

4. I can do this.
Some days, I don't know how I get through the day. I feel inadequate as a mother, as a wife, and some times even as a human being. If she has a bad day too, it takes everything in me to not break down. The silver lining is that I almost always have an amazing with Jillian the next day. It's as if God knows I need a day to remind myself of why bad days are worth it. Even on the days that are just an ordinary, I catch myself peeking in on her while she naps and just smiling. I will make mistakes. I will have days where I pray my sanity will hold out until Phil gets home for reinforcement. Lucky for me, between my support systems and Jillian herself, I know I can do this! I am going to be the best mom that I can humanly be. That's all I can do, but it will be enough.