Something to Say...

I know this is a sensitive subject for some, so I am going to be as mindful as I can be.

In this post, I stated that I wanted to establish with Phil exactly when we wanted to start actively trying for baby #2. The whole time, I had no mom guilt whatsoever. We started to settle on a timeline, and looked forward to the time we were ready to expand our family.

Starting in February, I began taking my temperature. I wanted to be in the habit of doing so before we tried so that I would keep up with it better. I did well all through February, then only missed one day in March, (but that was because we overslept for early service at church, and got ready in 10 minutes!).

My birthday was a pretty mellow, but good day overall. The next morning, I woke up, and took my temperature as I always do. My temperature went up almost a full degree from the day before. Puzzled, I took it again, then again with the same result. I decided to take an early pregnancy test I had bought to prepare for TTCing later this year. I was slated to get my period that day, or by Friday 3/29 at the latest. I just knew it would be negative.

It was positive.

I looked at it, looked at the floor, and then looked at the test again to see if I imagined it. The line was still there. I sat on the floor because I was about to faint, and dug around my drawer to find the instructions to the test. "Is it the ovulation test instead?" "There's no way this is happening!" "What if it's a false positive?!" All these thoughts went through my head. After the 5 minutes was up, there it was. Staring me straight in the face.

All of a sudden, mom-guilt took over. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I worried I would miss out on stuff with Jillian. I worried that I wouldn't be good at taking care of her knowing how sick I got last time. I was just so overwhelmed.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy and excited too. Unfortunately, those emotions took a backseat for the first 12 hours as I came to terms with the notion that I was already pregnant before we were serious about trying. {Yay hormones?}

I dried my tears, hid the test behind me, and walked to the living room where Phil was feeding Jillian her oatmeal.

"I'm not sure how you're going to take this. I don't even know how I'm going to take this."
"Ok...."
{I hand Phil the test}
"Are you serious?! HAHAHA wow!"
{I begin to cry again}

Phil was beyond thrilled and I just kept crying. This time was for stupid reasons.
"Our kids will think we only have sex in March!"
"Jillian's big sister shirt won't fit because she's too small and young!"
"I wanted to be 200 lbs before we got pregnant and I was so close!"
"What if Jillian can't have a birthday party because I'm in the hospital?!?"

{You know, all the important stuff ;)}

After bible study at church, and a nice lunch with friends, I had calmed down enough to take it in. I honestly think the devil was just trying to take away my joy in the situation so I wouldn't trust that God's hand was upon me. It's so easy to listen to those negative thoughts over the good ones.

I was worried about it being another ectopic for about 12 hours. After that, I had more of a sense of peace. I had to wait until we got home from Minnesota to see the doctor for a blood test, (4/10), but everything came back great. They even did an early ultrasound on the 10th, and everything was exactly where it should be :)

Am I ready to go through all this again? Honestly, yes!! I'm not thrilled to be sick again, even with the help of Zofran, but I know it's totally worth it :) {Though it hasn't been too bad just yet!}

When are you due? Based on my LMP, I'm due 12/3, which makes me 8 weeks and 2 days. Yes it's ridiculously close to Jillian's birthday, but that's ok!

Do you have a preference for the gender? I actually don't! I like both the girl and boy name we've picked out and I'll be thrilled with either. I know Phil would like a boy though ;)

Will you be finding out the gender? Yes! We haven't decided if we're going to tell others or not, but I definitely need to know!

Will you be doing weekly updates? Absolutely! I won't be starting until week 9 like I did with Jillian, and I won't have pictures until week 12 either.  I'm going to do it as similar to Jillian as I can.

Are you still going on your mission trip this summer? Yes, that is still a go. The person in charge is well aware of my pregnancy and said it won't be a problem. We're driving to New Mexico, and I'll be able to ride in a truck as opposed to the 15 passenger van.

Will you do anything differently this time? Aside from working out/doing pre-natal yoga and eating better, I will be allowing myself to travel more this pregnancy. Not far, but more often so I don't feel like I'm stuck at home all the time. {Not that being home is a bad thing ;)}

Does this mean you did a 5K while pregnant? Yes! The funny thing is, I gave myself about 2 weeks off after my first 5K before I was going to warm-up for the 5K in Minnesota. During my break, I got pregnant. To be sure it was safe, I emailed my doctor who told me my body should still be used to it. Her only advice was to give myself breaks as needed and to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Even if I hadn't beaten my original time, I figured I'd set a PR since it was my first 5K pregnant :) I was proud of myself for not just dropping out and trusting the doctor!

So there you have it. Here we go bébé deux!