Dark Letter Tuesday

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I don't know about you, but sometimes when I'm annoyed or angry, I try to imagine what I would say to that person, or object, in a letter. I don't always write in out, but just thinking about it makes me feel better. For whatever reason, I feel compelled to write a few down. Skip if you'd like :)

*****

Dear Eminem,

Just because you're a famous rapper, does not give you permission to say specific racial slurs in your songs or in general. Please be more aware of the example you're setting.

Sincerely, you're still a white guy.

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Dear Virgil (my car),

I don't know why you're suddenly not happy going on long road trips with me. We've had so many wonderful memories of going to Minnesota and back and all that is in between. I don't want the guys at the dealership to laugh it off as me being a woman, so please act up for them so they can fix you. I look forward to more road trips with you if you will just let me, and the mechanics, in under your hood and help. And please never ever start slowing yourself down on a turnpike for a 3rd time. Both times were scary enough.

Sincerely, if I wanted a car that thought for itself I would live in 2420 A.D.

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Dear Belly Fat,

I understand that your existence is my fault. I know we've had an up-and-down relationship since I was 13 years old. I was planning on getting rid of most of you before Phil and I got pregnant, but life is not always planned out so well. I would really like to start seeing my belly grow because my baby is getting bigger and stronger. However, because of you, I can't see very much. Phil thinks there's a change, but I'd really like to notice before the I'm 8 months along. If you could help me enjoy this time in our lives, I would appreciate it.

Sincerely, you're the first thing to go once that baby gets here.

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Dear Customers (or anyone who buys something from someone else),

Here are a few ground rules: 1) Do not argue with someone who has looked into something twice for you and provided tracking numbers and other important details. If you can't find something, but everything points to you did, then look again. Don't tell me I didn't look into it and reject the information I got for you. Arguing just makes me wish I could look you in the eye and glare. 2) Do not tell me something is super important and urgent, but refuse to get off the phone to let me help by continuing to remind my how important and urgent it is. I get that so let me off the phone and do my job. 3) I work twice as hard as you do on Fridays so remember that. If you waited until the last moment to do something, assume 3 other people have done the same because, oh yeah, they have! I can't tell you the times I've wanted to go home at lunch on Friday because I know the afternoon will either a) make me mad or b) make me cry. Please keep these rules in mind and we'll get along fine.

Sincerely, oh and I'm pregnant so my b.s. tolerance is low.

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Dear Food Industry,

Does everything have to have bacon on it right now? That's not really healthy for anyone. Also, hearing the word "bacon" 3-4 times per commercial break when I watch t.v. is the reason I hardly eat anything for dinner. 

Sincerely, sick of bacon-ania or whatever it's called.

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If you read all of those, bravo. Other than that I'm just hoping my nausea subsides and my energy comes back. Plus it's so hot everywhere I end up sitting in my car an extra 5 minutes so I can have the air blowing on me.

Stay cool everyone!