I woke up feeling a little tired despite having 8 hours of sleep. This is due to the fact that I drove to and from Tulsa because of my growing anxiety, (more on that later). Jillian is in a fairly good mood and we had a nice breakfast as a family
Jillian is a little fussy, but not too bad for a teething baby. I started my one load of laundry, then the dishwasher shortly after. I noticed it's been about 2 hours since she woke up so I tried to get her ready for a nap. Nope, not happening. Girlfriend refused to keep her eyes shut for more than 3 minutes.
Ok, no big deal. I started drying the laundry and warmed her next bottle. She ate it easily and seemed drowsy. I held her close for a few moments while she started to drift. After 5 minutes, I tried to put her in her swing so I could heat up my lunch. The meal takes 7 minutes to cook, then another 2 minutes to sit in the microwave. About 1 minute into the cooking time, Jillian was awake and fussing loudly. I picked her up and she fell asleep in my arms. Any time I tried to move at all, she'd start to wake up. I ended up holding her for 30 minutes before I decided I needed to eat lunch before it's dinner time. As soon as she was out of my arms, she was awake and crying. At this point, I just let her fuss. If I'm hungry, things will get ugly fast.
After a fast bite, I tried putting her on her activity mat. Nope, not happy with that. I tried Sesame Street on Netflix. This doesn't work either. I tried reading and singing to her. Nothing. I finally decided that I needed to try and get something else done. I folded the laundry and emptied the dishwasher with her in her high chair. As long as I kept singing to her, she seemed ok. Sweet! I finally feel productive.
I have a project for my computer that has about 2 days of work left. I tried to start that project, but Jillian is not having it. Ok, I can deal. Another feeding comes up so I heated up that bottle and she's satisfied again.
Then that sound happened. Diaper change it is Miss Jillian. I put her in her crib for a moment while I grabbed more diapers for her changing table. I lifted her up and saw poop on the crib sheet. Oh great. Even though there was not much in the diaper, it managed to come out of the top and all over her white onesie. At this point, all the fussiness, all the things I couldn't get done, suddenly made me really upset. I started to work myself up as I attempted to clean her off. I tried calling Phil so he could calm me down, but he didn't answer. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I stopped myself and took a few deep breaths. I finally picked Jillian up, gave her a quick bath, and got her all cleaned up. Then I put her in her rocking chair and tried my computer project one more time. After about 10 minutes, Phil called to tell me he was coming home. Once I was off the phone, Jillian gave herself the hiccups, then choked on her own spit up. I picked her up quickly and patted her back so she would get all the coughing out of her system.
Just when I thought I was surely going to break down and cry... I started laughing. That's right, laughing. After all that had happened, my response was laughter. Pretty much every bodily function a person can perform had been done by my daughter in the past 6 hours. Every chore I thought I'd be finished with by 1 p.m. had not even been started. Jillian finally did fall asleep in my arms and I let her stay there for 20 minutes.
On days like today, it is incredibly easy to get frustrated. I was mad I didn't have enough patience to get through the day. I was tired of hearing Jillian fuss for what seemed like no reason, (she was full, had a clean diaper, etc). Then I'll remember. I'll remember what I went through to get her. I'll remember how lucky I am to have a biological child that I love so intensely. I'll remember how I'll miss these days when a pacifier, or a hug will fix her tears. I'll remember how I want her to stay this little forever.
Only then do I become extra thankful and can make it though the day. Well, that and having Phil come home and letting me drive to get a Venti-sized Starbucks coffee :) (Thank you Jesus for caffeine!) My chores did get done once I had my coffee and some time to myself.
Today may not have gone the way I planned, but I'm so thankful for having this day. I get to be a SAHM with a precious baby girl that I love more than life itself. I get to be there as my daughter grows up. I have the privilege of being a mother. As long as I remember that, every day is a good day.