Bottled

Part of why I haven't updated in nearly a week is due to a combination of things. For one, I'm severely stressed out. I have a lot on my mind lately and it has caused poor sleeping habits. {Anyone else up at 2 a.m.?} Then I've tried so hard to keep it bottled up inside that I have finally succumbed to the internal pressure. Luckily for me, it happened right as Phil came home last night and I got a deserved 20 minute break to recharge briefly.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I also have a problem. I have a tendency to go on online shopping sprees when I'm stressed out. I always justify it by saying "it's on clearance", or "it's for Jillian's nursery", etc. Of course, it's never a lot of money and not constant, but little amounts add up over time. I also always tell Phil what I did pretty quickly so I'm not hiding it from him. However, you can always see the periods where I've been most stressed because the UPS lady will come to our door several times ;)

With all of that, I just couldn't keep up my facade.

Thanks to my homemaker schedule, I've been able to keep up with the laundry and chores I want to despite how I've been feeling. Throw in a teething infant? That's a little hard. Throw in the stress previously mentioned? Ok, I'm toast.

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of great things going on amidst many many blessings in my life. I just have a lot on my plate at the moment. I know this is not a reflection on my job as a mother and/or wife. I just wish things were a little more resolved. I mean, Phil is defending his dissertation in 10 days. He is starting his new "big boy" job in 16 days. We are purchasing our first home in the next 3 months. It just feels like everything is falling into place at the last possible second. {insert NBA analogy here}


Once Phil starts his job, we'll be able to afford for me going to my therapist I've seen off and on since 9th grade. I love working with her and she's helped me through many phases in my life. Until then, my mom has been my consult and doing a lovely job. {Thanks mom!}

I know this is a phase and we'll make it through. For now, I just need to uncork my bottle and let it out. Cry a little. Scream in a pillow. Whatever I need to do, (that doesn't involve a credit card!).