Monday, November 25, 2013

38 Is Not My Number

One of my many quirks is the fact that I love even numbers or multiples of five. I'm not super OCD about it, but it is something I take note of.

With that in mind, you would think an even numbered week in pregnancy would be awesome for me. After the last few days, I looked back on my old entries when I was pregnant with Jillian. Sure enough, 38 weeks is when I just go crazy. I'm grumpy, I'm depressed, I'm so ready for baby to get here, and I'm just an emotional wreck. I've cried at least twice every day the last 4 days. This is not just because I'm ready for David to get here either.

It's really been a rough weekend for me. Between Icemaggedon, SnowmyGod, my doctor leaving for Thanksgiving, Jillian having a 24 hour throw-up bug, Phil getting a fever... I just want my son to be born. It's like the longer he waits, the more other things pop up and it makes it harder for things to go well. {By well, I obviously mean by my plan of action, which I know is not always the best.}

The worst is how I feel overall.

Every night before bed, I make sure the entire house is picked up. I check to make sure the dishes are either put away or in the washer. I double check the hospital bag, then make sure the last minute items are grouped together. I take a shower, dry my hair, and take my medicine/prenatal vitamins. It's almost like a ritual for just in case he comes overnight.

I might have false labor or Braxton Hicks, but never anything significant. Even if it feels like he's lower than before, nothing is consistent enough to merit a trip to the doctor.

Every subtle hint that he might be coming goes away, and that leaves me feeling frustrated, disappointed, and an emotional wreck.

Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with him cooking a little longer. I'm just tired of being pushed around emotionally. If he's going to come, great! If not, stop making me think so :(

For now, I'm just going to push through to Week 39 and snuggle with my favorite girl. He'll be here in 8 days regardless so I just need to relax until then. Besides, the weather should be much better for a birthday next week :)

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