To Be Still And Know...

{via}

This is exactly why I don’t make resolutions.

From the previous list I made, I won’t be accomplishing most of it. Money fell through and we’re not going to Disney World. I still have not made a 101 in 1001 list, and my not get to it AND I started to read a 3^rd book for the month in case I lost momentum which ended badly. I partially didn’t like the book period and partially got bored.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I love listening to KLOVE. I do still listen to several other stations, but I’ve really been favoring KLOVE lately. Well, apparently they mentioned an idea that started a movement a few years ago that has really caught on. Instead of making a resolution, take as much of the month of January to think and pray about a word to embody for the year. It can be a verb, a noun, or anything really. Once you find your word, do your best to exemplify it throughout the year. I thought if I could figure out a word, I would do that instead. It’s even better, (in my opinion), than having a to-do list for the year. Things, plans, attitudes and life just changes and priorities will follow suit. If I make a to-do list, I run the risk of not accomplishing anything at all.

After I thought about what my word could be, I started becoming very aware of myself. My attitude, my goals, the things I’m stressing about, etc.

Then, it started.

It is my ridiculous imagination. I’ve always had an active imagination. It made for fun evenings and hilarious family anecdotes. However, as an adult, it’s more of a hypochondriac/severe worrier thing. Sometimes it still becomes a funny anecdote, it keeps me from really trusting that things will work out.

Phil and I are starting to realize how soon we will be moving. He thinks he has a date to defend his dissertation, which means Phil is almost done. This means the job hunting begins, quickly followed by moving. We could move to another city in Oklahoma or we could move across the country. We won’t know for sure until Phil gets a job offer.

After what happened this summer, we decided to be more aware of what we’re doing. We talked about it and agreed we didn’t want to purposefully try to have a child until after we’ve moved into a house, (and have it decorated). I even remembered that I never wanted to have children until I was at least 26 before it felt like I wasn't fulfilling my duty as a woman if I didn't have babies immediately. Thanks hometown :-/ This is where it comes back.

I start wondering if I’ll be able to get pregnant. Then I worry that I won’t be able to carry a baby to term. What if I can’t have children? What if I endanger my health and have several more miscarriages? I know losing weight will really help. Then I wonder if it would be worth it to slim way down just to gain pregnancy weight.

Then I do what I do best: make plans. I make plan after plan after plan. I have a back-up plan for the back-up plan. Whatever could possibly happen, I have a way to deal with it because I thought about what to do. Even though this is typical of me and I really enjoy it, this makes me mentally exhausted. I am so tired of trying to come up with scenarios just to make myself feel better. You know what? I think I knew, deep down, that this wouldn’t work.

That is why, after several days and some prayers later, I decided that my word for the year is “Know”. I can use it in so many ways and feel like it will help me become the person I want to become :) “Know” is good for learning something new, or just knowing that God is in charge and He knows what He’s doing. That’s why I’m also including this scripture for myself.

{via}

I’ll put it in my sidebar later so I can see it every time I’m on Blogger! I just pray that God will help me accept the growth I am seeking so that I can not only be a better person, but a better, more trusting Christian.

Peace to you,

"Word of God Speak" by MercyMe