I'm Biting On My Tongue...

{via}

This has been on my heart for awhile now. I've started this post several times and chickened out. So let me be completely and utterly honest about the human side of me :)

What’s in a name?

I find it interesting that people put so much emphasis on names. Whether you love or hate your name, or if you’ll date someone because of his or her name. Then, when you become a parent, it is even more important.

Finding the perfect name for you child is a big, big deal. You might have a family name that you feel obligated to use, or you could pick whatever name you want. You could choose trendy names, old standards or even a familiar one with an alternate spelling. Whatever you choose, you know that it’s going to stick with this child forever. Sure they could legally change their name later in life, but they might not find it worth the effort. Plus you have to think of initials, how the name flows, make sure it doesn’t sound like a stripper/hippie/something snooty… The possibilities are endless.

Even as a young child, I’ve always thought about what I’d name my children. Sure the number of children has gone from 6 to 4, and from all girls to two girls and two boys, but my desire to find a wonderful name has never faltered.

Summer of 2009, when I miscarried really early, I decided to seriously pick out names for our children, just in case. Later that year, I decided that I liked the names so much, I would start to cross-stitch the names. Well, things changed.

When I was pregnant again this past summer, none of the names sounded good anymore. First of all, the middle name for our girl, Grace, was popping up everywhere. Even though I liked the name, I didn’t want her to be lost in a sea of similar names. Then, the first name for our boy, Hunter, was becoming popular in our area, even as a name for a girl! Considering both my first and middle names are unisex, I didn’t want Hunter to be confused. Both names were thrown out the window.

We talked about names and picked our favorites. We were ready to go! Then, as you know, I didn’t get to keep that baby. Though it hurt and we were sad, we thought we’d keep the names around.

About a month and a half before I found out I was pregnant, an extended family member announced she was expecting. Cool! I love family :) They never found out, or at least announced, what the gender was so we had no idea what the name might be. She delivered a healthy baby boy. His name?

The exact first name Phil and I picked for our non-existent baby boy this past summer, (same spelling and everything). I was so mad! The name would have worked better for our, (again non-existent), baby boy! Why does she get to have that name? If she had announced what the name might have been, I wouldn’t have gotten so attached to it and felt this way!

Then, I realized how silly I was being.

I didn’t own that name! Neither of them knew we were considering the name so how could they have “stolen” it? I have no right to tell other people what they should or should not name their child. Even though he might have a new wife by the time we have a baby boy, we could still use the name is we wanted.

Phil and I talked about it and I shook off my hotheaded pride. I don’t need to claim a name for our non-existent children. I know whatever names we choose will work for our children. So unless someone picks the exact first and middle name, (with the exact same spelling), the names we have now will remain the same. I have confidence that, even if someone chooses the same middle or first name, that will not take away how special our children will be to me. I won’t love them any less and I will be overjoyed to have them in my life.

I’m not going to announce the names until I’m pregnant and keep it, or until we adopt a child. That way, I don’t jinx them ;)

So what’s in a name? The heartbreak, the sorrow, the joy, the stress, and the love of the parents that was poured into the thought process for that child. It’s time consuming and a little rough to pick a name for a newborn, but it is always worth it!

Peace to you,

"That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings (still love this song!)