{Taking a nap after the grandparents went home}
{Melt my heart!}
{Lounging on her Boppy pillow :)}
I'm sure you've heard of or watched the video that is circulating around Facebook right now. I've watched it and I did enjoy it. It made me think about my faith. Ever since I decided to start fully relying on God, I try to evaluate where I am every so often to see what I want to work on. My main focus last year was sharpening my prayer skills. I especially wanted to be sure to thank him everyday for my pregnancy and the ability to carry our child since I know so many who can't.
The other day, I was driving down the highway when I started to listen to "Good Life" by OneRepublic. I looked in my review mirror at Jillian who was fast asleep and I couldn't help but smile. It made me realize that she makes my life so good and I can't wait to see what else is in store for our family. It made me so thankful that God blessed us with her.
Recently, we set up an iPod deck with my pink iPod nano. I've made it Jillian's iPod for now because I have too many songs to put them all on the 16GB nano. Plus, this way I have programed Jillian appropriate songs :) I have artists that I feel comfortable having her listen to before she's a teenager. Some of the songs are of course contemporary Christian songs. I used the genius button using "Our God" by Chris Tomlin and it's been playing as I get ready for the day. It has turned into a little devo time/dance party in my bathroom the last two days :) Anyways, I sat down to talk to God yesterday morning and suddenly I realized something... I am being a fair-weather Christian.
Now, I'm hardly a fair-weather anything. I mean, if you like teams like the Kansas City Royals (or Chiefs), you understand the concept of loyalty. I've also never been the type to be a fair-weather friend. I strive to be the best friend that I can by being there no matter what. It's just not my thing to be like that.
Before my big revelation in April of 2009, I knew God existed. The only problem was, I just treated him as something that existed and nothing more. I prayed when asked in church, but I never did it on my own unless something was wrong. How often does this happen when faith is shallow? It's so easy to only talk to God when things aren't going our way, or when someone close to us dies. That's not really relying on God at all and it's a trap so many fall into.
Once I decided on a youth retreat that I was tired of having a bitter heart, I started trying to thank God as often as I could. I thought of all those years I had trouble with dating and worried I'd end up alone. I worried that no one would love me as much as I loved them. I not only got married, but I've married my best friend who treats me even better than I deserve. I married a man that God made just for me. In the months I was pregnant, I thought of my two miscarriages and how I worried we wouldn't be able to have children. I worried my body would not be able to carry any children at all, let alone to term. Then God showed me yet again that his plan and his timing are perfect. I not only got pregnant with a healthy baby, but I carried her to term and I had a wonderful birth experience. I was thanking God for all the blessings poured on me. All the blessings I knew I didn't deserve since I am a sinner.
That's when it hit me - I'm thanking God for the big things in my life. I turn to him when I'm having issues and have no idea what to do next. Don't get me wrong, I know God is happy I am doing this. I know God loves when His children turn to Him in thankfulness and grief. You know what? Those big things don't happen that often. I'm only getting married once. If we're blessed enough to do this again, I may only give birth one or two more times.
What about all those times nothing particularly great happens? What about every morning when I wake up to a new day? This is what I mean by fair-weather Christian. I don't want this part of my personal faith journey to be a phase. I don't want to only feel this happy and close to God because He has blessed me greatly. I want to thank God for the mundane. I want to thank Him for waking me up in the morning. I want to thank him for the roof over my head, the car I own that I can afford gas to put in it, the washer and dryer that works despite the loud squeaks it makes as it runs, and the food in my working fridge.
More than anything, I want to be the type of Christian that is aware of my blessings, no matter how small. I don't want to run to God for my trials and large blessings. He does so much more for me and He does it every single day.
I know I'm going to mess up. I know that I'll be forgetful from time to time, especially when I'm having a rough day. It will be a lifelong struggle to remember that I should be thankful for all these things. I just hope God gives me the ability to recognize when I'm being selfish and remind me to be thankful for the mundane.
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