This week was a little crazy for me anyways on top of everything else going on. Let me explain everything else.
As I've said before, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in late October of last year. Knowing this affects much more than just my chances of having a child, I knew it has lots of health issues as well. I recently paid my debt to the public library and can now check out books again :) So I went overboard, as I usually do, and two of the books I checked out are about PCOS. Well, one is very helpful while the other is very "doom and gloom". As in, being the hypochondriac I am, it's not good for me to read a book that it pretty much telling me I'll at least develop type 2 diabetes if not develop that AND have cancer and heart disease. Awesome. So, despite my original freak out, I have decided I want to change my eating habits to as little sugar as possible. Both my dad's dad and my mom's mom developed type 2 diabetes and I really don't want to go down that road. I've been trying to find cookbooks and helpful things, but there's just so much information out there. I'm still trying to sort it all out.
On top of that, I have been seeing the fertility specialist who diagnosed me. Mostly because I wanted as much information as possible. If it's going to be hard for us to have children, I want to know how hard and what are my options. Pretty much, we are down to one last test this month. If the test comes out positively, then it'll take awhile, but we can definitely have children. If it comes out negatively, it's highly unlikely we can have children without resorting to an IVF or surrogacy. Now, I understand we are young and that was part of the point for me. I'd rather know now that I can't have children then wait until I'm nearly 40. I also understand that its not the end of the world if I cannot bear children. I know God isn't punishing me and I know that doesn't make me any less of a person. However, it does make me nervous. No woman wants to hear "you won't be able to carry a child". Don't jump all over my feminists of the world, but I feel like part of my purpose in life is to have children. I've always been the mothering type to even my friends. I'm just a little nervous knowing in less than 30 days, I'll either have good news or bad news. I guess time will tell.
So aside from ALL of this, I had 1 presentation, 2 papers (explains the blog title) and 1 test at school on top of Ash Wednesday and all the other weekly things I go through, (laundry, meetings, etc). Plus, I haven't been sleeping well for awhile now and... honestly... I would rather be in bed 89.3275% of the time.
Speaking of Ash Wednesday, I want to reiterate a point I made on twitter. If you do observe Lent, and you need a last minute idea for something to give up... instead think of something you can add! The entire season of Lent is not necessarily about being without, but about focusing for 40 days and 40 nights of ways to get closer to God as you reflect on the greatest gift He could ever give: eternal life through the sacrifice of His son. For example, I am adding 5 minutes of silent prayer and meditation after my nightly bible reading. Some people fast from sun-up to sundown on a certain day or you could start reading the bible at night. Just remember, do it for you and your relationship with Him and not because you think you have to or so that you can tell everyone about it. This is a very personal matter and I hope, if you observe Lent, that you keep this in mind until the glorious morning of Easter :)
In other news, I'm slowly getting through all the new artists/albums I bummed off my brother on Saturday. I'm starting to get into mellow-er music and he has it by the truckload. I think he likes knowing someone else in the family will start enjoying his music... and that someone will know who he's talking about when he tells us he's going to a concert ;) So far, the new groups I like are: Vampire Weekend, CAKE, Wilco and The Dodos. Considering I added a little over 1,000 songs from Saturday, I feel like I'm doing well :) Besides, I want to give them all a fair shot. I haven't disliked any of the albums yet and I feel that is an accomplishment in and of itself. Plus, he was a nice excuse to hang out with my bro :D
I hope y'all are doing well! Tomorrow is Friday which is always great!!!
Peace to you,
"Shadow Stabbing" by CAKE
If we desire getting closer to God... we need understanding definition of God! The meaning of God... definition of God is best explained in Bhagavad Gita of Hinduism... the most sacred scripture existing on mother earth! As detailed in Bhagavad Gita god almighty is not form of human beings. The sum total of all purified soul atmans in cosmos at a given moment of time is what we know as God Almighty!
ReplyDeleteThis enormous cluster of cosmic primordial power much beyond comprehension of all human beings is Nirakaar in form (having no form)! God Almighty is not form of human beings. God Almighty always acts as a Dhrishta (onlooker) never interfering with creation of his! God Almighty exists in all human beings in miniscule form as our soul atman... the spirit within!
Getting closer to God simply means merging our inner self with larger whole... God Almighty himself! When human beings gained enlightenment (kaivalya jnana)... it announced end of cosmic life for soul atman... the spirit within! Reaching 8.4 millionth manifestation... the last in cosmic life cycle is goal of every soul atman... the spirit within!
For human beings to gain enlightenment... assimilating wisdom contained in Bhagavad Gita is foremost necessity! Only by knowing Bhagavad Gita of Hinduism human beings gained enlightenment (reached stage of kaivalya jnana)... never otherwise! The contents of Bhagavad Gita can never be understood literally. All 700 shlokas verses contained in Bhagavad Gita suffice for mankind reaching stage of enlightenment... and finally salvation (moksha)!
The knower of Bhagavad Gita finally becomes knower of all... gains omniscience for all practical purposes! Enlightenment is reached via path of spirituality... never religion! Understanding difference between religion and spirituality is foremost necessity of the day! Most human beings on mother earth confuse spirituality with religion! God Almighty can never be reached via path of bhakti yoga... path of rituals... path of religion!
For getting closer to God... for become one with God one needs traveling path of jnana yoga (absolute wisdom)!