Preferences and Choice: Part Two

Now why would I split this post up into two? Well, as I said, the first one reflected my desire to let Jill learn early on about preferences and choices by giving her a variety of toys and gear. This post is all about mama.

As I said in the first post, by planning and day-dreaming about Jill and her future, it causes me to plan and day-dream about mine. Since I still have no idea "what I want to be when I grow up", I am planning the other big thing in my life - owning and decorating a home :)

I have always had expensive taste. I seem to be drawn to items or designs that cost quite a pretty penny without realizing it. What can I say? :) The funny thing is, I'm also a bargain-hunting, thrift-store shopping, DIY crafter. I am totally fine with giving a project my own elbow grease to get it looking how I want. I always figured I was just very eclectic and could be happy with anything.

Over the past 4 years, I've done a lot of soul-searching. Around this time 4 years ago, I was pretty close to the bottom for me, (though not rock bottom). I was transferring schools from a private institution to a 2 year junior college, I had horrible grades and I had a problem with drinking to be drunk every day of the weekend. I was a mess. I started seeing my counselor that I've had since 9th grade and did some intense therapy for the entire summer. Something I learned during this time had to do with my true personality. I have played a specific role in my family for so long, I didn't let myself become the person I truly am. I was always this drama queen that brought the family together either through trying to help me with my crisis or by keeping everyone entertained. The warning signs I thought were me being depressed turned out to be what I needed to recharge. Ever since this revelation, I have tried to experience new music, food, activities, etc. to see what I truly like and dislike. It was almost like meeting myself for the first time.

Once I started to find out who I was, I started to realize how different my tastes are from what I thought they were. I do still have expensive taste, but not as much as it used to be. I also realized that, when we do have a home, it's about making myself and anyone who enters it to feel at home. I like cozy, familiar with lots of color. I went from loving kitchens that looked like this:

{via HGTV Designer Portfolio - Designer Gail Drury}

to kitchens that look like this:

{via At Home in Arkansas Magazine August 2011}

{lovelovelovelovelove}

I don't care if all the rooms follow all the rules for interior design. I just want my personality to come out. Granted, Phil's personality with have to come out a little too since it's his house too I'm told, but I want people to see that. I want to feel like it's my little hideout from the world where I can celebrate any season, and relax with my family. I want the warm fuzzy feeling and not the oohs and aahs from others.

What I'm getting at is, it's important to find yourself in what you do. Whether you're decorating a home, looking for some new music or whatever, make it about the real you. If you don't know the real you, it can be a little scary. Trust me, I know. However, no matter how fearful you are, it's so worth it to get to know your true self. It's almost a little fun at times :) I'm no expert, but I have been there. Now that I'm mostly on the other side, I want you know it is possible and worth it. So blast your 80's music and paint your bedroom wall a crazy shade of orange. It's your preference and your choice. Never let your friend's expectations of your likes dictate your decision. For once, it is all about you!