One Year Ago: Round Deux

Just as I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Jillian vividly, I can recall in great detail the day I found out I was pregnant with David. I honestly think those are the kind of days that your brain recognizes as super important, so it takes everything in, even if you don't consciously decide to do it yourself.

As I mentioned in my announcement, Phil and I had set a particular time to start trying for our second child. When we discussed it, we decided that April of 2013 would be the earliest we would consider. The only reason we chose that specific month is because I assumed I would have another ectopic pregnancy. Factoring in recovering time, I figured a good time in terms of spacing would be April. Starting in February, I started taking my temperature to get into the habit. It was not always super helpful since I have PCOS, but I figured it was a good starting point. I faithfully took my temperature every morning in February, and then again in March.

March was going to be a big month for me. Not only is my birthday at the end of the month, but I was running my first 5K that I had been training for since January 1st. I was excited about March! The 5K came and went. I decided to give myself a week off before I kept the momentum for my next 5K in Minnesota. Well, that week turned into 2 weeks. I thought to myself: Self, it's no big deal. Just start after my birthday.

My birthday was a pretty low-key, but good day. I did my bible study homework before I fell asleep next to my husband. I smiled knowing just how loved and blessed I am.

The next morning, March 27th, (my first full day as a 27 year-old), I took my temperature as normal. It was up a full degree than the day before. Thinking that was strange I took it again, and then again. In the back of my head, I knew the only reason that happens is if there's a bun in the oven. To try and convince myself that wasn't the case, I took a pregnancy test I had bought for our official trying next month. I did my thing, laid the test on our bathtub, and sat for a minute. Then, this happened.

{3/27/3013}

I remember getting weak in the knees, then sitting on the floor so I would not faint. It couldn't possibly be true! My mind raced as I crawled to my bathroom drawer to look at the test instructions. Surely it was the ovulation test strip instead. No WAY was I already pregnant. We were getting on a plane in a few days. I was running a 5K within 2 weeks!

Once I confirmed it was indeed a pregnant test, and it was indeed positive, I started to cry. It was a mixture of happiness, fear, nerves, and just about everything in between.

I described how I felt until our first ultrasound in detail here. However, something I didn't mention was my obsession with taking a test every 2-3 days just to make sure I hadn't made it all up in my head. Before we left for Minnesota? I took 2.

{3/30/2013}

{3/31/2013}

{This is actually a comparison of the three I had taken on 3/27, 3/29, and 3/31}

The day of our third date of the year? Took one in the movie theater bathroom.

{4/4/2013}

And finally, the day before our ultrasound? You guessed it... I took the final test that I owned.

{4/9/2013}

{I really was worried that it was all in my head}

As you can see, we went from here

{4/10/2013}

to here

{9/17/2013}

to here

{12/1/2013}

to today

{3/27/2014}

It's been quite a year, but one that I wouldn't change at all. Even though it was a shock, I am so very happy to have this as part of our family story. In the end, I got an amazing son that I get to watch grow every day :)

{And let's just say the month of March has me on edge until we're 100% sure we're done having children. Even though I love my kids dearly, I refuse to have another December birthday!!}

Answers

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have some news.

As I'm sure you've noticed by my more recent posts, I've been in a bit of a slump. In an attempt to not sound like I'm whiney, I didn't really mention every thing. I've been emotionally and physically drained for about 2 months now. It is to the point where I can count on both hands the number of times I have felt well since January 1st. I assumed I was just adjusting to life with two children. Obviously, there was more to it.

After being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I confessed to Phil my fears on Thursday night. With the physical symptoms I have been battling for awhile, I told him I was afraid. Afraid that I had some kind of disease or disorder that caused my system to be out of whack. Afraid that it was something more, like a major health issue or even cancer. After assuring me he was not convinced it was cancer, he did suggest that I find a doctor to get everything checked out.

I slept on the idea, and then called my mom the next morning. Once I finished my story, my mom put in her two cents. It was the insight I needed, so I thought on it for a bit. I then googled what she mentioned, and decided to call my OBGYN. After they offered to squeeze me in at noon, I had my answer.

I have postpartum depression.

It's not an extreme case or anything, and I have not had any desires to harm myself or the children. If anything, the kids are taken care of, and I am the one I've neglected. I am just hoping this will help me function a little better. Plus, I had no idea it could come about any time during the first year of your child's life. I assumed that I wouldn't get it since I made it to the 6 week postpartum check-up without any indication that I would have postpartum depression. That's part of why I thought I was just needed to work harder at balancing two children.

I was not really expecting this, but in hindsight it does make sense. In fact, Phil was starting to suspect, but said that he didn't know how to bring it up.

{That is an awkward conversation starter.}

Hopefully things will start to finally fall into place. I am so thankful for the husband and family that I have because they are all being super supportive!

Of course, 2014 life kicked my butt again with killing off Phil's car so now we have to go car shopping soon.  {Is it 2015 yet? le sigh}

Although having anti-depression medication was not on my birthday wish list, it's what I got. Along with it, I have a newfound sense of pride in myself. I asked for help when I really needed it. It wasn't easy, but I'm on the right path now :)

My Limp

Motherhood is hard.

{Newsflash: DUH Courtney! AmIright?}

Every time I start to feel like I'm doing well, something else gets put on the pile, and it all comes crumbling down. I have a weekly breakdown, and it's usually on Friday afternoon between 3 and 4:30 pm. {And yes, I can tell you the time it usually happens. It's that consistent.} Today was almost the day to break down, but we luckily had a last minute play date that lifted my spirits a bit :)

I feel so blessed to have my two children, but being their mother is rough. I have to face every negative trait I personally have, as well as battle with my human side. It's humbling really. On my good days, I see it as an opportunity to work on my issues. On my bad days, it's dang near overwhelming. Those are the days I am on the phone with my mom multiple times. Even if it's just to hear another adult voice, I need that connection with the outside world.

Certain days, the joy far outweighs the negative. Days where I get in touch with my inner Wayne Brady and make up a song about M&Ms because Jillian really wants to hear one. Days where I give David the hiccups because I made him laugh. Even if I have moments of frustration, my heart is bursting by the time I go to bed. I count myself lucky to have the life I do.

On a different note, I keep tottering around the same 4-5 pounds since I delivered David. Even though I've really tweaked my eating habits, I haven't started working out yet. It is frustrating, but I do know that I need to work on my stress level before I do add working out to the mix. I am beyond amazed that I haven't developed an ulcer by this point in my life.

Despite how beaten down I can feel in this particular season of my life, I can still rejoice in my blessings. {I may need some help coming up with the list sometimes, but that's better than nothing right?} I am cutting myself some slack, and I hope I can keep that up :)

I hope to do some computer clean up so that I can have enough memory to upload photos again. As of right now, my computer won't let me upload from my phone or nice camera. Once I have the space again, be prepared for some picture posts again!

Jillian at 27 Months {2 Years and 3 Months}

With Jillian doing so much these days, I thought I'd write a little post about all the things she's up to :) This is not an official post or anything, but as much of a snap shot of her as I can get!

{Yes, that is indeed cheese on her forehead}

Weighs about 26 pounds, and is around 33-1/2 inches tall

Can wear 18 month pants and shirts, but will be moving to 24 month PJs soon (12-18 month clothes fit, but are usually too short)

Speaks in 5-6 word sentences regularly. Can speak up to 8 word sentences (though that is very rare)

Can count to 19, but gets hung up on 16. Knows colors and some shapes

Likes to draw, paint, color, and stack blocks. Obsessed with lining up objects into rows

Loves to listen to music, but doesn't always dance. Will "sing" songs without music - sometimes just whispers the words

Favorite TV Shows are: Yo Gabba Gabba, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Curious George, Bonnie Bear, Super Why, CareBears, Word World, and Garfield & Friends

Favorite movies: Winnie the Pooh, and My Neighbor Totoro (can only watch about 30 minutes at a time or you get bored)

Went to your first live show earlier this month. Overall did really great!

Animals you like: monkeys, frogs, bunnies, puppies, kitties, bugs, and the Yo Gabba Gabba gang

Showing a girly side. Likes to wear bead necklaces, and put on chap stick

Loves to eat: Peas, blueberries, strawberries, baby oranges, bananas, chicken nuggets, turkey hot dogs, bread, Cheerios, Crispix, M&Ms, marshmallows, Goldfish, any kind of cracker available, Teddy Grahams, mac and cheese, potato chips, donuts, french fries, plain oatmeal, yogurt, bacon, raisins, rice, and smoked sausage.

Will try most food, but doesn't always like what it tastes like. {Happy you're willing to try!}

Starting to potty train. So far it's going well

Enrolled in preschool for two days a week starting in the fall

Starting the "mine" stage. Not our favorite phase, but it will pass :)

Still waiting for the last 4 molars to come in and you'll be all done with growing teeth

Really clinging to mama these days, but still a daddy's girl

Still enjoying your baby brother when you remember that he's around

I am excited to see how you change in the next 3 months and beyond! We love you baby girl! xoxo

Just Us Three

Last month, I told Phil that we needed to do something with Jillian. We're starting to really get into a groove as a family of four, but I know some days Jillian can get really frustrated with her new role as big sister. It's really hard when the attention shifts from full-time to half-time. I happened to notice that Sesame Street Live was coming to town, so we decided that would be a great activity for us! We scheduled our babysitter to stay with David, and we bought tickets with our tax refund. I just got three regular tickets because we were not sure how should would react to seeing the characters in person. I didn't want to pay extra money if she was going to cry. We were pleasantly surprised with how well the morning went!

The show started at 10:30 in the morning. I figured going before lunch and nap time would work best for Jillian. After we parked, we had about 20 minutes to get to our seats. We bought some water and a tub of popcorn. Jillian was more than happy with her popcorn :)

{Buttery popcorn goodness!}

Once the lights went down, Jillian scooted to the edge of her seat. The characters came out dancing and she got SO excited!

{Jillian on the edge of her seat}

{This is right before she adamantly requested to run and "go see Cookie Monsta!"}

{The special song about cookies with dancing cookies HAHA}

It kept her attention for the 40 minutes before intermission! She had a few squirmy moments, but we were very impressed with her. Phil even said that he enjoyed it enough that he didn't need Tylenol afterwards ;) Once the show went to intermission, this HUGE batch of balloons went to the front of the stage area. Jillian of course went bananas, but we were able to get her out of the area without having to buy one.

{The balloons, and the view from our seats!}

{The three of us <3}

{Jillian is trying to look over the phone to see the balloons HA!}

Even though she did well, Phil and I made the executive decision to go ahead and leave during intermission. This way we left on a good note, and we would have enough time to go to a nice lunch before we wanted to be back. Jillian is still at the age where we can get away with not only leaving early, but also without having to buy lots of stuff souvenirs ;)

{The giant boot outside of our parking garage}

We drove to the mall near our house to eat lunch. They have one of those asian places that make the food you pick out on a big grill. The one we went to is called HuHot. It was pretty yummy, and Jillian did pretty good eating.

{Jillian and Phil enjoy their lunch}

And we had to stop at the cookie place of course ;)

{Yummy!}

All in all, we had a great time. I'm hoping we can do a one-on-two date with her a few more times this year. We do our best to make sure she knows we still love her dearly. If nothing else, I hope she just enjoys being with us as much as we enjoy being with her :)

David: {Three Months}

David –

You are three months old today! You are officially out of the newborn phase and considered an infant :)

According to our measurements at home, you are 12 lbs, 0 oz and 23-3/4 inches long.

You still fit in most of your newborn sized onesies, and a cardigan. However, we probably need to just pack up all the newborn clothing and call it a day. You wear 0-3, and 3 Months on a regular basis. You are still in size 1 diapers, but we will be switching to size 2 when you finish the current box we have open.

You eat an average of 28 ounces, and feed 6 times a day. You are exclusively on the Target brand formula that's similar to Similac Advance. We recently switched you to the next level of nipple flow, and your feedings are much better. Before, it took you a long time to drink much, and it was a really tough battle to get you to eat. We accidentally switched you to a gentle formula, (daddy bought the wrong kind, and mommy didn't notice until it was already opened), and it messed with your system a bit. Now that you're back on the regular formula, you seem much happier :)

Your sleep schedule is a little bit inconsistent, but still good overall. You sleep for a 5 hour stretch at worst, and a 7-1/2 hour stretch at best. There's a feeding between 3 and 5 am. Sometimes you wake up a little earlier, but it's usually because you have a gas bubble that really hurts :( We're trying to figure how best to stretch your sleeping before we move you into your shared bedroom with Jillian. Since you don't like pacifiers very much, we trying rocking you to sleep. So far, it works pretty well, so let's keep up the good work :) You nap about 3 or 4 times a day. It can vary between 30 minutes to 90 minutes. I'm sure this will change more as you become more aware of your surroundings and alert.

Bath time is enjoyable for you! 8 out of 10 times, you don't really fuss at all. When you do, it's a combination of being hungry, and not wanting lotion put on you. You have a few little dry spots on your scalp, but they are not severe enough to be considered cradle cap.

You are a calm and sweet baby. Everyone that has encountered you has just adored you, though we're not surprised :) You are a very serious baby though! You smile at us more, but you don't really laugh like your sister did at this point. Usually, one of two things will happen: 1) You let out a high-pitched squeal, then proceed to decide we're crazy and just stare at us until we stop. If we laugh at your stare, it usually scares you, and then you cry. 2) You get really close to a belly laugh, but then you get the hiccups instead. Someday we'll really get you laughing, and it will just be the sweetest sound!

You can roll to your side pretty consistently, but you're not really close to rolling from back to belly anytime soon. You may surprise me, but I'll be proud of you either way :) You can lift your head pretty well during tummy time. Also, you have really good head control so we feel pretty comfortable not having our hand behind your head 90% of the time.

Being in the car is usually ok for you. Every so often you get upset, but it's almost always because you're getting too hot in your seat.  We took a day trip to Tulsa to take our cat to a new home, and you were the quietest, and most well behaved person in the back seat! Well, you did cry a little, but it's because your sister threw a book in your face :( No worries my darling, she is not allowed to have books again until she can learn to not toss them in your direction. {It was not intentional, just a bad habit she developed before you were born!}

Things that seem to upset you:
Dirty/wet diapers, being cold, pacifiers-especially if you don't want it and someone is trying to give it to you anyways, being overstimulated, loud noises, getting your clothes changed, gas bubbles, being left alone, not being held, being tired, tummy time, and you flinch a little if your sister is heading your direction while yelling/making lots of noise.

Things that you like:
Mama making spit bubbles, cuddling, your mobile, looking out at your surroundings if you're alert, being swaddled, the Moby Wrap-but only a little bit, being in only your diaper, mama's hair, and daddy playing pat-a-cake.

I am so happy you are in our family baby boy! You’re such a joy, and we enjoy watching you grow and learn every day. Love you little tomato :)

Now some outtakes:

{Nice little Elvis sneer there bub!} 

{This is his default face. I have numerous photos with this exact expression. Still a cutie} 

{Got a quick little smile!}

{And of course, big sister needed in on the action ;)}

And a few comparisons!

{Months 1, 2, and 3}

{Left: Jillian 3/2012 Right: David 3/2014}

{Read Jillian's 3 Month Update Here}