Ash Wednesday

{Mama's sleepy girl}

It's hard to explain what it is like to grow up in a home where one, or both parents are ministers. This is partially due to people thinking they could imagine it while others don't seem to understand how a family could function that way. One thing I think is the hardest for people to understand is how we lived in seasons.

While most coincided with a literal season like summer or fall, these are not the seasons I'm speaking of. The main ones I describe most are: the Christmas season, the season of funerals, and the season of Lent. All of these seasons were already hard enough to juggle since my parents had separate churches. This meant twice the amount of sermon preparation, twice the driving back and forth to church, and twice the amount of services to attend. Once my brother and I became more involved in after school activities, this made each season a little harder. I remember one year having my dad drive me to a junior high dance immediately after a Maundy Thursday service at church. There were musical rehearsals, voice and piano lessons, academic team meets, etc. Being a new parent, I have no idea how or when my parents slept before Mike and I could drive ourselves.

If you're not familiar with Lent, it is a common practice for those who observe it to give up something for the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. Once I was older, I tried adding something positive if I could not think of something to give up for Lent. Sure some years were harder than others, but nothing really did much for me in terms of feeling closer to God. I think last year was the closest I ever got to feeling like I made a good choice. 

My mom and I were speaking the other day and I asked if she had thought about what she wanted to do for Lent. This sparked a conversation in which I wondered if the point of not succeeding with your Lent sacrifice is to remind us that Jesus was the only perfect human who faced temptation and won. Then my mom said something that really hit me. "I think instead of giving up or adding something, I think I'm just going to focus on the season."

This is the first year in a long time where I'm not completely involved with a church. With Phil and I looking for a church home, I have no obligations to a choir, or being a lector, or even a specific congregation. I can enjoy the season of Lent all the way through Easter morning without having to worry about how I will "perform" at any given service. Don't get me wrong, I love being deeply involved in worship. However, this may be the only year in a long time that I can just be somewhere and let myself be fully open and aware of God's presence during this season. I don't know about you, but that sounds like something better to focus on then giving up chocolate for another year :)

As a sinner who is in need of God's grace, I hope to focus as much of my energy on this season in the church, and in my life, for the next 40 days. I may not succeed, but that's ok because Jesus did. Jesus winning his fight over temptation, then dying on the cross is all the success I need in my life. 

{Amen}