Emotions All Around

First of all, I'm so glad the awards I gave yesterday made the recipients so happy :) I love spreading happiness!

If you follow me on Twitter, I want to apologize for my attitude yesterday. Despite my happy blog, it was a really rough day for me. I tried to keep my cool and not have 1987439675103876937412 emo tweets. Lucky for me, long conversations with my mom always calm me down. That woman certainly knows exactly what I need to hear to get me off the "woe is me" train. Though, surprise flowers from Phil definitely helped perk me up at the end of my long day :)

I understand I have several hormones just racing around like mad right now. However, the past few days I've been overwhelmed to the point of tears. I have sobbed uncontrollably cried once on Saturday, once on Sunday, and twice yesterday. Some of it is baby related while the rest is just handling everything else. For example, yesterday was mostly about Phil finishing grad school. I'm still pretty ticked about the conversation he had with his advisor, (the first meeting in 2 weeks mind you), but I know that it's nothing I can control. Essentially Phil will be finishing soon, just not as soon as we were expecting. The only good point to this scenario for me is knowing Phil will no longer have to worry about me going into labor in the middle of his dissertation defense because Jill will already be around. Add a hectic work morning when you're alone in the office and you're just asking for an emotional day.

The main problem for me? I realized that I just don't have the emotional capacity to handle much more than getting ready for Jill right now. I cried on Sunday when I was clipping coupons for the big grocery trips we need to go on next month. With Jill coming in December, I'm preparing for baby AND another snow/ice storm. {Let's look at the history of our winters in Oklahoma lately: 2007 - 1 really bad ice storm. 2009 - 1 big Christmas snowstorm. 2010 - 1 snowstorm in Jan and another in March. 2011 - Two really big snowstorms in February, 10 days apart from each other.} Knowing how the past few winters have gone, I'm expecting at least 1 storm at some point in Jill's early life. I have two check lists I'm trying to fulfill - 1 is for frozen meals and dry goods we'll need when Jill first arrives and 1 in case of snow or ice. Now, the snow/ice checklist is now down to a flashlight, rock salt and firewood which makes me feel a little better. However, sometimes seeing my list of dry goods makes me a little nervous. I feel like I have more month at the end of my money. This is why I'm checking circulars, clipping coupons, etc. However, when I think it's a good deal, Phil will point out that it's ok, but not real great. I spent about 1 hour trying to prepare a list and just got so frustrated that I started to cry. I told Phil because I'm preparing for both situations, I'm starting to feel like this is babypocalypse! Phil was kind enough to calm me down than help me figure out what was really a good deal and it all worked out.

I'm just starting to feel like everything left to do to prepare for Jill's arrival costs money. This isn't true, but it certainly feels that way when you're waiting for your next paycheck and have nothing else to do until then. Luckily, I am receiving my large baby shower gift today via UPS - the changing table! Phil will get it assembled and then I can start to organize it! That'll keep me occupied for awhile. I think I also need a new project, so I'm thinking about converting all my printed/torn out recipes to recipe cards. This could take quite awhile and keep my hands busy.

Also, I don't know exactly what happened, but I really hurt an area of my lower back as I tried to climb into bed last night. It was probably one of the most painful things I've ever felt in my life, (so far). I was literally immobile for about 10 minutes. I'm glad Phil is as strong as he is because he had to hoist me up into bed after that. I did wake up around 1 a.m. to pee and it still hurt pretty badly. When I went back to bed, I switched from sleeping on my left side to sleeping on my back with my head and feet slightly elevated. My back felt better this morning, but I am definitely taking it easy today.

So far, this morning has gone much smoother than yesterday and I don't foresee any sobbing fits :) I hope y'all have a great Wednesday!