Only Once {I Pray}

This is the one and only politically charged blog post I intend on writing. {Hopefully ever, but we'll see.} If you want to skip, that's fine. Know that whatever I put in this post, it is not aimed at anyone, nor is intended to offend. If you are offend, please accept my apology for not finding better words to express myself. If you disagree, that is fine. Please know that I will only delete or not accept a comment on this if it is littered with name calling or offensive language. Otherwise, differing opinions are ok :)

I'm going to be perfectly honest and say that I'm scared. I am a Christian that believes God is in control, but I also believe he gave us free will. I also believe we live in a broken world, and that we human beings will continue to act like human beings.

With that in mind, the election this past November did not go the way I would have liked. I know that the other candidate was just as scary to other people, but I doubt she would have done all these things so quickly, and without much thought of repercussions. It feels like everywhere I turn, everyone is shouting at the top of their lungs. The problem with that is, who is left to listen? And I don't mean, hear what is being said and have a rebuttal. I mean real communication. Hearing their words. Hearing the feelings and thoughts behind those words. Putting yourself in their place. Trying to see why they are scared, or mad, or worried. Listen with your whole body and heart, then just give them a hug. No more making points. No more name calling. And no more making everyone with like an ignorant stooge.

Since November, I've probably cried once a week. I worry about the future. I worry about how the world views us. I worry about my children. I worry about other children and families. I worry about all sorts of things. It breaks my heart to think of the fear that various people are feeling and experiencing right now. My heart aches every single day with the words and actions of people I personally know, and people I don't know.

Quite honestly, I am overwhelmed by what I can truly do to make a change. I don't have the time or resources to go on a march. I don't have money to donate. The world is so broken, that I have doubts of what difference I can make. So, I've thought about it, and my mom told me these words: "Don't worry about changing the whole world. Focus on changing your world." There's not much I can do when things happen in other cities. However, I can sign petitions. I can teach my children to do better, want better, and be better. I can do little things with great love. That is what I intend to do.

I believe in a God who loves. I believe in a God who told me that the "greatest of these is love" 1 Corinthians 13:13. I believe in a God who told me the two most important commandments were to "love God" and my "neighbor as [my]self" Matthew 22:36-40. I believe in what I was taught about putting others first. I will always err on the side of love. I will always err on the side of supporting my neighbor, no matter the reason why they are looked down upon. I will be as much of an extension of God's love as I can humanly be.

It's to the point now that I feel like I have to be saying something political, or else it will look like I don't care. Do not mistake my silence for disinterest. I am involved. I am emotionally invested. I want to help make changes. For me, I just have to start here, in my little corner of the world.

Baby C: Final Fourth Week 12 Update

Today's date: January 26, 2017

How far along: 12 Weeks

Total weight gain: I am at a loss of 7 pounds total.

Size and growth of baby: Final Fourth is the size of a plum or an army man! The brain is developing fast, just like most of their organs and tissue. They are opening and closing their fingers, and even curling their toes! {via}

Baby is a: Not sure yet. I'll be finding out around my birthday. Still finalizing how we want to do it :)

Maternity clothing: I wear maternity pants all the time, shirts part of the time, and sweatpants the rest of the time!

Sleep: So tired!! I need naps during the day, but there's just no way of doing that. I sleep ok overnight. I just feel exhausted no matter what.

Movement: I think I've felt a flutter or two, but nothing that made me know without a doubt it was baby. I can't wait to feel more soon!!

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings are Chai Tea Lattes with Soy, French Toast Crunch cereal with Almond milk, hot Cheetos, sweet tea, and chicken quesadillas. Aversions are the same - no fish, no cooking meat, no raw onions, no mustard, and no hamburger meat.

Morning Sickness: I have felt better lately, which has been nice! I only used Zofran one time. I got really nauseated last night, but I was able to sleep it off.

Symptoms: A little heartburn, some nausea, gassy, cranky, peeing a fair amount, and tired.

Labor Signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

How this pregnancy is different than the first three: It's not terribly different right now. This pregnancy is a clear mix of all my pregnancies from before. 

The best moment of this past week: Getting good news from a friend, having family and friends support me when things got really crazy for us, and narrowing down baby name choices :)

What I miss: Nothing at all!

I'm looking forward to: My next appointment next week when we'll hear the heartbeat on Doppler, finding out the gender of my SIL's baby, and visiting my folks in the next few months!

{Jillian's Week 12 Update}

{David's Week 12 Update}
{Lottie's Week 12 Update}

Now to compare pictures :)

{Left: Jillian 2011 Middle Left: David 2013} 
{Middle Right: Lottie 2016 Right: Lexie 2017}

Baby C: Final Fourth Week 11 Update

Things have been a little rough emotionally for me this week. Lots to process and deal with. I even broke down in the middle of bible study on Wednesday. That was certainly embarrassing! Anyways, hopefully things will calm down around me, as well as my emotions.

Today's date: January 19, 2017

How far along: 11 Weeks

Total weight gain: I lost again this week. I have lost 7 pounds total.

Size and growth of baby: Final Fourth is the size of a brussel sprout, profiterol, or small lime. Toes and fingers are no longer webbed, little things like tooth buds and hair follicles are forming, and even though I don't feel them yet, there are lots of movements going on in there! {via}

Baby is a: baby!

Maternity clothing: Mostly pants, but most of what I'm wearing is maternity.

Sleep: I'm beyond exhausted at this point. I need at least 8 hours, plus a nap to feel human. Guess how often that happens...

Movement: Nothing just yet

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings are mostly: chai tea latte with soy milk, plain baked potatoes, plain chicken, Haribo gummy bears, creme brulee, and banana pudding. Aversions are a little trickier. I recently discovered that, even if food sounds good, the thought of swallowing it makes me gag. Doesn't matter what it is, it'll make me gag. So there's that. Most things that don't sound good no matter what are: hamburger meat, onion (especially raw), mustard, fish, and cheese/yogurt.

Morning Sickness: Queasy here and there, but usually in the morning and right around dinner.

Symptoms: Sore/heavy boobs, tired, weepy, gassy, emotional, heartburn, and some nausea.

Labor Signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

How this pregnancy is different than the first three: I was sicker than I am now, and I'm more tired this time around.

The best moment of this past week: Being home again with my family after a weekend retreat.

What I miss: Nothing :)

I'm looking forward to: My next appointment in 2 weeks when I can hear the heartbeat again :)

{No Jillian's Week 11 Update (I was out of town)}
{David's Week 11 Update}
{Lottie's Week 11 Update}

Baby C: Final Fourth Week 10 Update

I'm so done with sickness y'all. Lottie is still dealing with a stomach bug, and it's been rough :( Hopefully, this is the end of our run for at least a little while. We're bound to catch a break at some point, right?!

Also, thanks to new insurance, I had to do all my initial blood work at a new facility yesterday, (as in 6 days after my appointment). This included a 1 hour glucose test. It wasn't too bad, but I had to eat something because of nausea, so I'm really hoping I pass!

Today's date: January 12, 2017

How far along: 10 Weeks

Total weight gain: My weight has just about stayed the same. As of now, I have lost 5 pounds.

Size and growth of baby: Final Fourth is the size of a prune or petit four. The organ systems are established, the placenta is starting to work its magic and baby's eyes are closed until week 27.  {via}

Baby is a: baby!

Maternity clothing: Mostly pants, but I still have several shirts that I'm just wearing because their comfy.

Sleep: I sleep ok at night, but I'm just so tired all. the. time.

Movement: Nothing just yet.

Cravings/Aversions: This week I've wanted salads with ranch dressing, fruit, chicken (plain), and Haribo gummy bears, (and yes, they have to be Haribo). Aversions are mostly the smell of cooking meat, apples, cheese, and anything that just doesn't sound good at the moment.

Morning Sickness: That new medicine I tried? That went terribly. It gave me the worst headache of my life. I'm talking about not being able to get up and function well kind of headache. I stopped taking it after 2 days. I asked for more Zofran since I know that works, but I was warned by the Dr's office that it can cause cleft palate and heart defects. I haven't needed to take it, but man I'm tired of all these studies saying I can't take anything for any ailment in pregnancy >:( Anyways, I need get sick on Tuesday, but that was the worst day so far.

Symptoms: Sore/heavy boobs, tired, weepy, gassy, slightly more moody than normal, some heartburn, dizziness, and some nausea.

Labor Signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

How this pregnancy is different than the first three: I was sicker than I am now with the first two, and I did actually throw up this time, (I never actually threw up with Lottie), and I'm the most tired I've ever been in pregnancy. {Shock, I know} 

The best moment of this past week: Feeling better after all the headache stuff

What I miss: Nothing :)

I'm looking forward to: My next appointment next month, a retreat I am going to this weekend as a youth sponsor, and Lottie feeling better again!

{Jillian's Week 10 Update}
{David's Week 10 Update}
{Lottie's Week 10 Update}

Coming Clean

I usually take a bit of a social media break during the holiday. This is especially true if my folks are in town so I can soak up as many memories as I can. In fact, I don't take many pictures either.

This year was a little different for two reasons.

1) David and Lottie got sick right after Christmas. They both had double ear infections on top of a viral bronchial thing that Jillian had the week before. Lots of coughs, running noses, some vomiting... you know, all the fun stuff. Thankfully, my folks were understanding and VERY helpful. However, I didn't feel like sharing about all that mess on social media.

2) This happened.

Nope, your eyes are not playing tricks on you, that is a positive pregnancy test.

You see, I got really sick a few days after Jillian's birthday. I'm talking, I did not want to leave bed, and begged Phil to stay home from work, (which he couldn't). After 2 full days, Phil asked if I had gotten my period again. I've only had 2 since I stopped pumping, and my last cycle was only 22 days. When I told him no, he suggested I take a test. I told him I would wait until Saturday to try because I was SURE my period would be coming.


Nope.


I got a test Saturday morning, (12/17), did my thing, and the positive came up as soon as the sample went across the result window. That was the darkest test I've ever taken.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

I was scared.

I felt incredibly guilty.

I was worried.

I was excited, (to a point because I worried it might be ectopic).

I felt like I was going to faint.


I'm at a point now where I'm so excited, and I know this will be my final pregnancy so I'm soaking it all in. It just took both Phil and I a few days to get there.

I couldn't believe this was happening SO soon after Lottie.

I was worried about the baby being ok. I was worried about my blood pressure. I was worried about my family. I was worried about Phil's family. I was worried about Lottie. I could not STOP worrying about everything!!

When we finally told our families, they were pretty shocked, (I don't blame them!). However, I think in the end, we're all happy and excited, (at least a little bit). If nothing else, I definitely feel support from everyone we've told thus far :)

We got an ultrasound and blood tests within a week. Everything looked good, and baby had a heart rate of 130 bpm. I had another appointment this past Thursday, and got to see baby one more time. Baby is still small, but had a heart rate of 184 bpm! Everything is looking good so far.

So, here we go. It's Baby C: Final Fourth! Coming August 10, 2017 💗

Baby C: Final Fourth Week 9 Update

{I am backdating this because we had not told everyone that needed to hear about the pregnancy from us directly before I was 9 weeks along :)}

Like Jillian, David, and Lottie, I will be starting weekly updates now, but won't do pictures until Week 12.

Today's date: January 5, 2017

How far along: 9 Weeks

Total weight gain: My weight keeps fluctuating between the same pounds. As of now, I have lost 6 pounds.

Size and growth of baby: Final Fourth is the size of a green olive or pecan. They have graduated from an embryo to a fetus, and we should be able to hear their heartbeat on doppler next week. {via}

Baby is a: baby! I should find out around my birthday :) I don't know if we'll tell, but I'll definitely know!

Maternity clothing: I'm still wearing it from my pregnancy with Lottie. I hadn't fit into my pre pregnancy pants yet. I'm going to have to replace some items if I want them for this entire pregnancy.

Sleep: Sleep is decent. Around the time I found out, the kids were all sick, so I was exhausted from that. I sleep well, I just need LOTS of it.

Movement: Nothing I can feel just yet.

Cravings/Aversions: I've been craving things like salads with ranch dressing, and chocolate. Aversions are mostly the smell of cooking meat, apples, and anything that just doesn't sound good at the moment.

Morning Sickness: I get nauseated from time to time, but nothing awful. No throwing up yet, though I've gotten close. If you read my announcement, I honestly thought I was sick before I tested for pregnancy. Most of the time, I just have little to no appetite. I was given a sample of anti-nausea medicine to try. We'll see how it goes!

Symptoms: Tired, gassy, slightly more moody than normal, dizziness, and some nausea.

Labor Signs: None

Belly button in or out: In

How this pregnancy is different than the first three: Honestly, not much is different. I'm not as sick as the first time I was pregnant, I'm not on Metformin again, and I have a little more dizziness than before. However, it's pretty similar for now.

The best moment of this past week: Telling our family and friends, becoming more excited, seeing my folks over the holidays, baptizing Lottie at church this past Sunday, and hearing Baby C: Final Fourth has a strong heart rate of 184 & still in there :)

What I miss: Nothing :)

I'm looking forward to: My next appointment in a month, things getting back to normal after the holidays, and finding out who is completing our family!

{Jillian's Week 9 Update}
{David's Week 9 Update}
{Lottie's Week 9 Update}

Lottie: {Five Months}

Lottie –

You are five months old today! It's also a special day because you were baptized at church this morning :)

According to our measurements at home, you are 14 lbs, 5 oz and 25 inches long.

3-6 Month and 6 Month clothes are what you are wearing these days. You wear size 2 diapers, and no shoes just yet.

You are eating an average of 32 oz of formula a day, and you get 5-6 feedings a day total. You drink Similac Supplement formula, with a little mix of Similac AR to help with spit up. We do a mixture of the two formulas to make sure it helps with your spit up, but also keeps you from getting backed up in the other department. We have yet to start solid foods yet, but I have a feeling that will be happening this month!

A bad cold swept over our family this month. First, big sister got it, then you and brother got it at the same time. Though you escaped without a fever, you had a terrible cough that made you horse. You're on the side of healing, but it will probably take another week before you're back to normal again. You slept ok during the cold. You'd wake up once, maybe twice, because of coughing or congestion. You do NOT like getting your nose wiped or suctioned in any degree. Sorry baby girl, it's what we have to do to help you! We'd steam you every so often, and that helped too. Your horse cries were the saddest things I've ever heard :(

When you are healthy, you sleep for about 9-1/2 to 10-1/2 hours every night. You nap off and on with no real "schedule" to naps, but that seems to work for you. If you do nap, you usually sleep for about 45 minutes or so. You can nap even with lots of noise, and you like the fastest swing setting accompanied by lullaby music! You still like to sleep with your face mostly covered.

You still like bath time just fine. You got some new bath toys from Santa, so hopefully you'll love playing with those!

No teeth yet, but lots of chewing and drooling going on!

You don't always chat us up, but when you do, you have lots to say! Overall, you have a calm demeanor. You only seem to be upset when you're hungry, tired, or not feeling well. Otherwise, you smiley, and love watching other people.

You love sitting up like a big girl, and playing in your jumperoo. You like the floor playmat in small quantities. You only like to be held like a baby if you are eating or going to sleep. You don't laugh out loud much or for long before hiccups start. However, when you do laugh, it's sweet :)

Your hair on top of your head is coming in very light! You still have some newborn hair on the back of your head that's more brown. Your eyes are grayish, so we'll be interested to see what color these will be!

We celebrated Christmas this month! You did well at Christmas Eve service, and almost slept through Santa gifts before church on Christmas Day! HAHA You were clearly uninterested in what was happening, but we had a great day with just the 5 of us. Your Jemma and Gee-Chaz came into town after for some holiday time as well as your baptism. Even though you were not feeling well by the time they got here, you gave them lots of smiles and sweet faces :) You seem to recognize them thanks to our weekly Skype dates!

Some nicknames you've accumulated are: Lottie Dottie, Sugie, Sugar, Lottie Pop, Baby Lottie, and Lemmy, (because you're Lottie Eliza May), and Latte.

Lottie, we are beyond grateful to have you in our family. You are so sweet and loving, and we can't wait to watch you grow even more over the coming months, and years! We love you more than we can say!

And now a few outtakes:

{That's a nice face, Lottie girl!}

{Much better :)}

{Oh hello!}

{What's that you say?}

{I like talking to you too, Bear!}

{How about a nice kiss!}

{Did you hear what the Bear said to me?!}

{And now we'll just chew on the Bear's legs ;)}

{The Three Amigos}

{Sister Sister}

And a few comparisons :)

{Months 1-3}

{Months 4 & 5}

{Left: Jillian 5/2012 Middle: David 5/2014 Right: Lottie 1/2017}

{Read Jillian's 5 Month Update Here}
{Read David's 5 Month Update Here}